fresair

Silent wish

2009-02-18T17:30:00.002+07:00

I seldom see him speaks. Words only came out through his reddish eyes. That is exactly how we communicate. I look at his eyes, and then he’ll stare at me sharply. He will give his best approval through that look, or his deepest resentment with an authentic gaze.
He seldom blinks too. When I’m uttering or tattle any subject I want to discuss, suddenly his eyes turn as shiny as ruby crystal under the shower of lights if he agreed on something. But I could sense anger, while those pair of eyes stabbed my heart badly. That sharp look will crippling me in second and I won’t dare to say any further.
For some, perhaps they will consider our communications were uncommon, but for me that awkward dialogues were my precious moments. Those moments were precious indeed, not only for me but for the entire family. I still remember how my sister describes her last conversation with father. She was 22 years old that time, and a fine gentleman already proposed her. My mom already gave her blessing to them, but talk to my father is another story. She hardly talk to him, may be only once a year when she knelt to seek his forgiveness when the joy of Aidil Fitri greet us each year. So the final moment my sister asked for his blessing on her marriage has a huge meaning. She chose the finest words to say, and her fiancé gave his best promises to convince him. My father only said a few words. “Take a good care of her.” Then he gave a serene look at my sister’s. That’s how my sister describes her precious moment with father.
It is true that he seldom speaks or makes aimless chatting with neighbors. But I’m still able to hear his voice while he recites Quran verses every night. His melodious voice shrieks his deepest sorrow, cries out his silent wish to God. I love to hear his voice when the dusk waves at us.
We all knew he bear a harsh task as a father, keeps up unimaginably scores of children, faces hard-hitting pressure from every corner, rides all kinds of storms within human life and everything else. But we never capture any words of complain or grievance out off his lips. Those stiff lips shown a trace of uncounted cigarette ever slipped between, but they were always locked. Only his eyes reflect his deepest despair, and scars tinted over his skin showed his best effort to wipe out those desperation. His muscled arms exposed bold nerve, and that bold nerve streamed within my soul as I grow. Formed what I am today.
He never asked for just once while I hopped into kinds of far away journey, or expressed worries while I say good bye. Neither said anything while a sister of mine flew to reveal the depth of African's nature. A simple kiss upon his hands would be enough as a farewell sign, and then he will reply with a brief hum. Sometimes I wonder if it's normal scene to follow, but I'd rather consider his motion as a symbol of trust. Yes, he has his trust in me and it makes my steps more firm and sturdy.
As time goes by, I begin to enjoy deciding everything on my own as well as take full responsibility of any action that I’ve made. I become more and more spaced with his figure, as distance speaks in clear language. Few weeks ago father visited me, he looks older and all of his muscled has faded away. Those sharp eyes still looked reddish, but a slight milky layer has covered his used to be shiny eyes. For almost a year I never see him, hardly hear his voice reciting Quran neither nor his humming voice praising God's name. His skins clings close to the bone, and the color still as dark as a cloud, exactly like mine. He grabbed both of my hands and said something that shook me.
"All my wishes on you have fulfilled, but this single wish on you hasn't answered till today. Should I begin to worry now?" he said along with his speaking eyes.
My lips were tightly shut, and my eyes started gaze on the clean white floors like there are too many debris upon them that I want to sweep as soon as possible
…..
Thank you to remind me that the time has clicking eagerly to pursue me

Broken smile

2008-12-19T15:31:00.004+07:00

<<<< taken somewhere from google

I thought this joy will always mine.
Enjoy the playground as I wish
Paint my own perfect rainbow as I like
Choose my best spot to stare at those vibrant colors
I’m not only craft a smile, but I valued thousands laughter I’ve shared
Laughter sprayed inside an amusing playground
A place with its fancy carousel more like a sacred sanctuary to me
I love the place I sense the shimmering bliss of the morning dew inside
I adore the joy ride, keen on the sophisticated labyrinth, and the bottomless pool where I learnt my first swim style.
I almost drowned, nearly sank beneath that pool.
But I’ve swallowed and learned to love the water.
And those trees, I’ve climbed almost every branches of them.
Scars from head to toes engraved those bitter-sweet achievements
Suddenly hidden hands pull me aside
No excursion allowed for me in here
A high iron fences circling the place, and I’m here watching from secluded spot
My laughter ends, my smile has broken
Only a glance of sneer left in the corner of my eyes
Just a glance, so no one would witness an empty cavern left inside of me

A place called home

2008-11-28T20:38:00.004+07:00

...
Baby moose look at his mother, his face give a radiant but the pair of eyes gave a sneer at the most loving and tender mother moose inside that wood. Mother moose felt uncomfortable with the look of her only child.
“What’s wrong my dear? I see your face looks happy but your eyes tell me the opposite,” said mother moose.
But there’s no sudden response from her baby. Mother moose’s eyes follow its baby motion here and there. Jumping around her, running back and forth so many times and sometimes he slipped in mud. Mother moose gave a big smile at him and told him to get up quick.
“Mother, you know I hate those azaleas. Their buds make me sneeze all the time but you keep telling me to take a good care of it. I hate those dying trees I hate this muddy ground, I hate everything around here. The only one I love in this wood is you mother,” Baby moose said.
“Of course you’ll love me, because you’re still a baby. You need me my dear, but while you grow perhaps you’ll leave me,” Mother moose replied shortly.
Baby moose stare at his mother, then his eyes fell watching the seared grass beneath his feet. Anguish feeling creep inside his heart. His cute little face was full of shame, since his mother might be correct. He might leave her alone in this wood, his passion to envision a huge world was too big to shrink.
“Come with me then mother. My dreary days looking at those dying trees, waterless pond, ominous playground, left a deep hollow inside me mother. I hate this place, I hate those azaleas, I hate those pathetic burnt twigs,” Baby moose almost cry after saying these.
But mother moose always share a warm smile to her only child. A warm smile which able to melt a hard steel down. Her convincing eyes transform a magic spell to comfort every anguish heart before her.
“I know you don’t like those azaleas, but don’t say you hate them. I sense your sadness looking at those burnt trees, that waterless pond. But never detest any of them, look at the whole wood we’re living in. It still offering secure to us, give a shelter though not as comfy as you ever wished. We’re still able to eat crunchy grass around those azaleas, and we still able to taste the sweet water from that puddle. This entire wood give us what we need, not what we wanted most. This wood called home,” said mother moose.

hiatus

2008-11-12T13:27:00.003+07:00

I've lost my appetite to write...
Lost my sensibility to express shrieking voices down deep beneath my mind
So dull...so numb, so full of ignorance
I’ve failed picturing the mystery of tomorrow..
I’ve failed repairing the broken mosaic of yesterday’s sorrow
I’ve come to nowhere
What’s in the thoughts, that’s what I’m trying to figure out
Whispering weep, watering eyes that was easily shown out
And again, still blank while my pages wait for my scratch
And again, still frank that the end of story was out of my catch
But this story surely end
It wasn’t my call to decide bitter ending or sugary glory
This journey ain’t mine, I’m just a hitchhiker who want to taste everything in fine
I’ve jumped into different roads, and still try to walk upon unexplored paths

arid

2008-08-29T14:52:00.003+07:00

It was a hot day. The sun not only shines but eagerly to fry everything reachable of its range. Even my skin smells like a toast and my breath felt as warm as a lighter on the van dashboard. The hot wind savagely blows my face and left my marbles size sweat alone. My friend and I were sitting on van which moving like a crazy horse, up on the narrow rocky path. There’s nothing we can do except fastening our seat belt and move along with the van’s maneuvers here and there.
This shaking journey ended when we reach a remote village deep in the south of Pracimantoro county, Wonogiri, Central Java. The village called Gambirmanis. Perhaps I should not use the term remote, since it’s only 85 kilometer from Solo, a sweet tiny city which already have all kinds of major transportation, including an international airport. But sadly to say, the 2.5 hours shaking ride to Gambirmanis suddenly swept all sweet countenance which my city always expresses. Gambirmanis only 2.5 hours away, but the access to get there is truly dreadful. Don’t expect any asphalt road heading to the village hall or a public veranda for exact description for a place where all resident of that village usually gathered. The only way to get there is to cruise a long and winding rocky footpath, with dying trees waving in the right and left side of the road.
Perhaps those trees soaring fears on how much longer they’ll stay alive, so did the villagers who also troubled on thought of how long their last pail of fresh water able to fulfill their need. Drought has devastated their crop, no more rice fields and the only plant they could expect to fulfill their basic need on food is only dried cassava. Yes, only cassava which able to survive in this dried land.
“It happens each year when the summer comes. The only water supply is from a pond which is now totally dried off. No more water from the pond, villagers have to buy fresh water which cost Rp 150.000 per tank (around US$16/tank). Don’t ask how we buy those waters, we never ask anyone for merci. We don’t beg, as long as we still have those cattle, we’ll sell them to buy fresh water,” said Soenarto, local resident.
According to him, sometimes the government gives an aid to them, mostly fresh water in a tank with 5.000 liters capacity. The villagers accepted it with wide open arms, though everybody knew those support won’t be last long, since the needs of water is too big to fulfilled with a few tanks of water. But once again, those people just keep silent.
We came to this village to deliver some groceries to the villagers. Last year, we didn’t bring any groceries but we held a medication to the villagers. They welcome us with a bright smile, the same smiles as I could taste today. After hearing their story of how bad drought slapped their life, I talk to my friends if we could come again to bring fresh water supply. And at the same time, a villager caught my voice then responding.
“What you’ve done is more than enough. We already grateful for that, don’t bother think to fulfill all of our needs. We’re still Javanese who always looks on brighter side of anything, we’re so lucky to have your groceries. We won’t yell on the street begging anyone to save us. We’ll be happy if anyone comes to help, but if there’s no one to help we’ll fight to the last drop of our sweat,” he said.
I almost drop a tears hearing this. There’s no desperation within his voice, optimism on his own effort surprised me. But deep in my heart, I still hope there’ll be more help for them to ease their burden a little.

Inspiring Phelps

2008-08-15T16:32:00.004+07:00

www.michaelphelps.com

Reading 2008 Beijing Olympics news hardly skipped stories about 23 years old swimmer from Baltimore, USA, Michael Phelps. Son of the state police, Fred Phelps, simply steal world’s attention after breaking world record on several numbers of swimming, plus pursuing to break 7 gold medals record gaining from Mark Spitz which carved in 1972 Munich Olympics.
Who won’t be bedazzled staring at his way winning six gold (so far) medals, more by himself than the entire Russian Olympic team, as I read on USA Today. Even Mark Spitz hope to watch this swimmer who said “race to win” equaling or eclipsing his record. Spitz said, if Phelps won seven gold medals then it would like the second man on the moon, but in Phelps wins eight, then he’ll be the first man on Mars.
He said, he’ll compete if he’s sure he can win the game and this spirit also spreading positive atmosphere for his rivals. Lochte, his friend and also rival said, he wouldn’t be that good if Phelps wasn’t there competing with him.
His word “race to win” keeps on ringing, I know that within competition everyone expects to win and told to give their best effort to reach it. But the assurance spirit of winning amaze me, since for me I’d rather use the word “I’ve done my best, just wait and see for the result”. In this case, this word seems not enough for Phelps, because he’s not only promising to do the best but he promise to win at the beginning of the game. I hadn’t found this spirit inside of me. That’s why I put Inspiring Phelps as a title today. Well then Phelps….I promise to win. Thanks.
Beside Phelps, I wish Markis Kido/Hendra Setiawan, Nova/Lilyana, Flandy/Vita also vow to win the battle in badminton for Indonesia. I’m waiting to witness their hands over their hearts while the National Anthem echoed for the first time in this Olympic. That will be the sweetest give for us while celebrating our 63 years Independence Day. Wish you reach the best.

www.google.co.id :)

Grand Palace

2008-08-13T14:51:00.002+07:00

…

khaa wor-ra put-tha-jao aow ma-no lae si-ra gran

We, Your Majesty's loyal subjects, Pay homage with deep-felt veneration,

nop pra poom-mi baan boon ya di rake

To the supreme Protector of the Realm,

aek ba-rom ma jug rin phra sa-yaa min

The mightiest of monarchs complete with transcendent virtues,

phra yot-sa ying yong yen si ra phraw phra bor-ri baan

Under whose benevolent rule, we, Your subjects,

phon phra khoon-tha ruk saa puang pra cha ben sook saan

Receive protection and happiness, Prosperity and peace;

…….

First time I heard this song when I and my friends watch The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor at the Siam Paragon Cineplex. It’s kind of surprising, when all of the audience raise suddenly while the screen showing a video clip picturing King Bhumibol Adulyadej’s royal activities. Later on I found out that it’s The King Anthem that mostly heard at the opening of the cinema. Beside King Anthem, here in Thai you should prepare to stop any activity and stand up politely listens to its National Anthem everywhere in public places including inside the mass transit system (BTS) twice a day. It’s kind of unique to witness its people’s obedient and the visitor’s tolerance doing likewise.

And this uniqueness succeeds to attract more and more visitor to this country. Preserving unique culture which not easily found outside this place has brought great deal to this place. Perhaps Jack Trout is right, differentiate or die. Again, I learn a lot from this trip.

Well, I haven’t mentioned anything about the grand palace. The complex of royal family residence called Phra Borom Maha Ratcha Wang, constructed around 18th century. This place served as a royal family residence until the death of King Ananda Mahidol around mid-20^th century. Then the present King moved into Chitralada Palace.

As a palace, of course it becomes a must-see place in Bangkok. I’ve remind my friends to wear proper dress while entering this palace, but the hot weather successfully made them worn short pants and t-shirt. Well for the consequence the should buy sarong before entering the palace since short pants is not allowed to wear. This place open daily at 08:30 am- 3:30 pm and the ticket cost 300 baht or around US$10 to enter the palace and Vimanmeek mansion, the largest golden teakwood building in the world they said.

Blue sky….

2008-08-11T15:38:00.003+07:00

I’ve told so many times I always adore the blue skies. I always try to capture each blue sky and memorize it well. Clear water and a blue sky, is the perfect twosome which always reflect image of paradise in my thought.

This blue sky I caught in Pattaya last week, a well-known seaside resort where everyone in Thai never miss. Last year, I never think of visiting this beach. I’d rather go to the southern Thai to find more exotic beaches. But this time, I couldn’t resist friends request to go there. Since they have no ideas way to get there, I have to guide them from Bangkok.

The journey starts from Ekkamai bus station, we hop in to a public bus which cost 128 Baht each or around US$4 for 2,5 hours ride. Pattaya is around 165 km southeast Bangkok, well-known of its night life and the lady boys show. Since I don’t want to feel awkward or accepting weird glance from others, I’d rather skip those cabaret shows. Here we go, a group of females circling the gulf of Thai and enjoying its friendly sunshine.

Renting a boat for half an hour excursion is quite cheap in here, around 1.600 baht or US$52. I think half an hour is enough, since seasickness easily tumbling me down just like in Bali few weeks ago when I’m sailing two hours away from the land on a fisherman’s boat. Smell of diesel fuels violently crawl in front of my nostrils, plus the heavy wind seems ready to blow me away.

But in Pattaya, the wind is not that wild and the ride isn’t that far. So we just keep looking on scenic seashore from the water. A friend of mine ask me to try parasailing while the instructor promise me we won’t get wet, because we’ll landing on a boat. But this time I’ve lost my courage, one thing that I can’t tell the reason. All of my friends extremely shocked with the “no” answer. They said, it’s just sounds not me at all, who always eager to jump into assorted sweating adventure. But I have to admit that Coulho is right, Nobody is courageous all the time, being afraid is part of the journey. And my courage faded this time.

Seawalking

2008-07-29T16:05:00.004+07:00

cortesy of Club Aqua

I know a pile of luck has knocking on my door. After a long exhausting routine which trapped me inside a box called office, I’m luckily to experience a breathtaking adventure called-seawalking. An excursion under water which allowed me to see coral, kinds of fish with all their juicy colors. Yes, I’m impressed. Since it’s my first time walking 8 meters under water using 30 kg helmet around my head to supply pure oxygen, and I’m impressed with the beauty of the sea.
I start the journey from Puri Santrian, Sanur, Bali, around 30 minutes from the Ngurah Rai airport. Since I was invited, so I don’t bother to spend US$75 publish rate, to taste all the facilities. Before I jump into the ocean, the instructor gave me a short training on Seawalker activities, including the equipments, the location, the insurances, and encouraging to plant coral.
A small boat took me to the place, around 2 km off shore where a bigger ship float sturdy waiting for the divers and people who snorkeling around the area. And the sea walking also start in this spot. I don’t even have to take off my spectacles while wearing the helmet, so I clearly spot the marine diversity deep down under.

Routine

2008-07-10T18:17:00.000+07:00

....
Routine….the best scapegoat to blame, every time I’m drowning into a filthy pond of boredom. Doing the same thing over and over again, easily inflame boring sense. It creeps like a virus….and suddenly all muscles and vein gone feebly. The bursting out energy changed in second into abnormality of tediousness. Then, assorted thought whispering inside this head, on how’s the best escape from all theses routines? And sometimes these eyes couldn’t resist the feeling to be envious of others. Yeaa like this old quote, “neighbor’s lawn always looks greener”
I try not to hate anything that comes before me, but I couldn’t deny that I do detest doing the same motion that I truly dislike. Not only mumbling, but also whining and moaning as much as these lips could show a perfect gesture of loathing. And it happens all the time, until the day I found this insightful scene.
My eyes gaze on a craftsman who works on a pottery. That bare chest old man’s activity captivated me. His hands look firm and muscled, but pretty agile while moving the pottery wheel. And every time the wheel moves, he gave a touch and shapes the pottery. The pottery wheel moves on the same direction, and the clay on top of it, keenly follow its motion. This motion continued over and over again. I watch carefully on the potter’s hands, he’s doing the same motion until he finally shapes a perfect pottery.
“Don’t you ever feel bored? Both of your hands doing the same motion over and over again,” I couldn’t resist verbalize my silly question.
“Doing the same thing Ain’t always boring. You can learn from each motion you’ve done. Both of my hands keep on touching and shaping this clay, over and over again. As the wheel spinning, I learn when I should touch the clay hard or soft until I found the perfect shape of a pottery,” he said with a dim smile.

the smiling crowd

2007-12-13T15:55:00.001+07:00

I love the blue sky and the smiling crowd :D

Journey to the land of smile

2007-12-12T13:21:00.000+07:00

It's not overwhelmed to say that Thais friendliness reflect from their smile. I've read about other's experiences during visiting a place where longest monarch on earth still highly respected. But for me, I saw more smile during my short trip.
Some people told their nice stories about the place and the people, some say the opposite. Yea...journey indeed give a different lesson to each one of us. I remember this old quote ''Journeys equal to half of human knowledges. Those who stay alive have more to see, but those who travel in a journey will see more.''
This quote encourage me enough jump in to assorted journeys.
While this time, my journey has come to this country. Siam, we used to call this land back days, but now the world call it Thailand or khrungthep mahanakorn boworn rattanakosin mahintharayuttha mahadilokpop noparaptratchathani burirom udomratchaniveymahasathan amornpiman avatransathit sakkathattiay-avusnumkarmprasit. The longest country name according to Guiness.
This place only 3,5 hours away, with many direct flights reach there. Voila..my journey begin with smile as well :)
Sometimes I envy how Thais, express their love to the king and the royal family. Then, I begin day dreaming how we, Indonesian, able to love our leader as deep as Thais love their king :D. Sigh....just day dreaming.
Perhaps someday, when prosperity indeed greets each one of us every single day. Thai's government proudly to say, its people no need any green card to flew away. Since there's no threat inside the kingdom, neither uncertainty about fulfilling basics rights.
And here I am, again standing amazed as usual everytime hearing at modest concepts.
And again,I got amazed with warm embrace of how buddhist reflects their daily life. Livin a life to serve nature, bring tranquility of mind and soul, watering sunny days with smile, indeed amazed me.
Perhaps I only saw a tiny slice of Bangkok's day to day life, and I'd better be not to to give any premature conclusion. But at least, i've learned few things from its people that i've met.
My journey is quite short, only four days in Krung Thep or we usually called Bangkok. As usual, my biggest interest always stays close from aging places. It always make me feel like collecting puzzles of life, then glued them to sense slice mosaic of the past.
A friend of mine used to ask, would you like to change anything if you could turn back the time? I stil remember answering this question with shaking my head. I'd love to remember the past, I like looking at old pictures, old musics, old places just reminiscent of old times, wondering what have happened and slightly sensing the atmosphere through those objects. But I never want to walk the same line of time twice, both to change anything in the past or to repeat anything. To gain and to lose is likely in our lifes, therefore no need to turn back the time to collect or to dispose anything.

Hidden Lagoon

2007-08-23T22:31:00.000+07:00

Myself..I need a rest, from all routines and new substance I’ve been dealing with everyday. Figuring out what might be the best retreat from all strain, I decide to search one quiet place, and finally found a piece of bliss in this island. A small island called Sempu.
Everything look picturesque, and gallons of sweat running out from this pore of mine certainly paid off, right after I finally found a hidden astounding clear water lagoon right in the middle of the forest. I should called it a forest, since it’s not so opaque to call it a jungle. Actually, Sempu is a conservation forest, habitat of a small Javan leopard (panthera pardus melas), or we usually call macan tutul or macan kumbang, conservationist said. But, I didn’t met any of this last biggest predator in Java. Panthera pardus melas considered as a big cat, along with jag (panthera onca), harimau (panthera tigris) and even a lion. But among those big cats, macan tutul or panthera pardus melas have the biggest subspecies, around 24 subs still can be found on earth.
As a big cat, macan tutul is not quite big, around 90-150 cm long, 60-95 cm high, and weight around 40-60 kg, and the main identity of course its unique spot. Actually, I don’t know what to do if I finally see one of this magnificent feline, would it become a danger or fantastic experience in my whole life. I never know, since I haven’t learn much about this species. As a predator, of course they have regular instinct to catch its prey, but I always convince myself, those magnificent big cats have more fear to us than our own fear of them. I think, they will try to avoid human existence and try to keep distance from us. And perhaps this assumption works when I enter Sempu island.
This island is not so far from the mainland, it’s only took 10 minutes to cross the small strait and reach the small island, which has no pure water to drink from the ground. It means, we have to carry our own water and food supply to stay there. And I only brought 5 liters of water during this trip, cause I only spent one night there. I jump into a small boat, that carried 5 passenger that time, and only cost not more than Rp 75.000 (US$7,5) round way.
It’s almost dusk when the boat reach the first shore of the island. I have to race with time, since the sunlight goes dimmer and the night begin to crawl. I’d rather walk fast to reach the hidden lagoon, which already turn into temporary camp site once a while, then comb the dark forest with a dim light from my small flashlight. I don’t bring any matches, cause I never intend to burn anything from this place even a small twig.
No time to enjoy the trekking or memorize the narrow path that I put my firm step on. Me, and four other backpacker walk fast combing the forest. The path is not to muddy but little bit slippery, we just watch our step and not to lose our balance, while the bag on my back quite weighty. The scenery still beautiful, though the light goes yellowish as the sun moves further. The giant trees, remind everyone of this rainforest maturity, and the root out trees sometimes whispering incomprehensible fear. And this fear also creep inside my thought, a glimpse fear of helplessness which sometimes make me need to inhale more oxygen, filling my lungs with fresh air to make my brain awake from temporary glitch.
Took 1,5 hours trekking to finally found a beautiful lagoon, or I should call it as a beach miniature. The clean sandy beach, stunning corals, its clear water mesmerize me. The sunlight almost swept away when I got to the camp site, but my friend Farah couldn’t resist the temptation to go for a night swim. At first I reluctantly accept the idea, but the cold water succeed drag me in.

The place is amazing, I don’t know how many times I praise The Lord for letting me witnessing this beauty. I never go out very often lately, so this journey became a blissful excursion.

Meet Mumu

2007-07-11T13:02:00.000+07:00

Well then..., My name is Mumu, five months old Turkish Angoran breed cat. Grew up in breeder house, so I never exactly knew my Mom or Dad. Perhaps I Still have a glimpse memories of my folks. Elegant, ethereal, regal, statuesque perhaps overwhelmingly too kind to describe me. But those words which always came out through my master's lips she mentioned me, or anyone asked about me..(sigghh....and my tail grew bigger ;) ) I always see her eyes looked larger everytime she rubbed my back, and my almond eyes always captured joy everytime she's around.
That's what my silly but nice master always do everyday. I never saw any displeasure everytime she saw me, and that make me so proud become a precious part of her days.
I live in a small house owned by a warm but lil bit odd sometimes, family. A small cotton like grass grow eagerly surrounding this place. A place where I spent most my days of chasing bugs, birds and caterpillars, and also a favorite playground of mine.
My recent master, is a little bit clumsy girl. She seems enjoying her life so much, anything but live under pressure even order. ..sighhhh

Meet Mumu

2007-07-11T12:58:00.000+07:00

It was a hot day, whenever I looked back on the moment my previous master took me from a narrow cage, where I've spent my days in.
His voice came back to my ears.
"Be a good girl Mumu! You have to leave, I had to let you go," he said in somber tone.
We're just silent for a few moments, then he grabbed his motorcycle and took me with him. It was a hot day, when he rode far away from home and put me into a plastic cage.
I felt much in thirst during this journey, which i have no idea where it migh end.
When...journey last," i wishpered to myself.
The road was too crowded, as i peeked outside the cage. Then, a building surrounded with high walls and trees appeared. It was some kind of an office, or a house where my master spent all day long to make a living.
A lady waited in the pantry, and she looked so anxious after we show up. She mumbled many words i couldn't understand, but she seems to be a nice person. She didn't touch me, or rubbed my fur as all people would do, everytime they saw me.
Seated beside my master, she suddenly run inside the building and show up with a bowl of fresh water, that i recalled the most fresh water to wipe out my thirst during the whole day riding. Perhaps, she noticed my thirsty look that time..
"Here you go my dear, have some water. You've been through a hot day out there," she said in a dim smile.
Then my master hand over my cage to her, and left the pantry with brighter smile that i hardly saw within these couple of days.
"Be a good girl Mumu, Now you stay with Miss Dewi. She'll take a good care of you," my master said while he rubbed my back and give a strange look at me.
My master is a good man, but he has a large family. Many kids, and all felines he bred in his house, indeed need a lot sum of money. I don't know why he hand me to this lady, but at least i'm sure he must have a good reason.
My master eyes grew moist when he rubbed my back for the last time, but he won't allowed that lady to noticed his sadness. I almost knew, that it might be my last moment to see him. I still recognized his eyes, from his eyes i know the meaning of separation.

La tristesse durera toujours

2007-07-11T12:57:00.000+07:00

La tristesse durera toujours
This words keep ringing inside my head on a moment, while I read front page of a local newspaper recently.
An officer shot his superior then shot himself, a mother poisoned her children then committed suicide, a man shot at her wife then shot himself...and again an officer gone into comma after shot himself on the chin after being frustrated by his wife illness.
Once again...Vincent's words rang over my head. La tristesse durera toujours, sadness will last forever, that was Vincent van Gogh's last words before he died, two days after he shot himself on the chest.
Would this word also clinging inside Mercy's head after she finished her last capsule of cyanide she gave to all her four children? This sorrowful incident also remind me of The Others film starred by Nicole Kidman, I watched two days ago on TV. I don't know if it's kind of coincident, or perhaps the TV station indeed want to say something about dreadful suicidal phenomena recently.
Would it be possible, sadness could drag someone to end up their life? Or, unbearable sadness could turn a loving and caring mom to a murderer? Many theories I've read about suicide, give me a glimpse explanation about the motive, type etc. Suicide, derived from Latin word, sui caedere considered as a willful act of killing oneself or refer to an individual who has take his/her own life (that's what wikiped said). Depression, emotional pain, desire for attention, and so many complex motivations still have to dig out, to give explanation about someone's motives of doing so.
No one able to answer, if the soul already flew away...people just guessing of what might be the reason of doing this dreadful act.
Buddhists believed in Karma, someone's past always have or give a huge influence on what they will face today, or tomorrow. Years ago, Buddhists, Sintos, acknowledged honor suicide, like what Japanese concept of hara-kiri, but still Buddhists and Sintos considered suicide as a negative form of action. Hindus believed, that suicide will lead someone to become a ghost.
Christianity and Islam learnt about martyrdom, in the name of God and faith, which will lead someone direct to heaven. But they confront concept of suicide as well, since suicide gave different picture compare to martyrdom. Catholics and Christians considered suicide as a mortal sin, no soul will accepted if someone committed suicide, so they'll go straight to hell. And Islam, also considered suicide is sinful, with all verses in Koran and Hadist prohibited this action. Judaism, like other Samawi (heavenly) religion, also considered suicide as the most serious sin.
All religion, faith, prohibited suicide, but the action give no retreat movement and increase day by day. Hard to say, that all verses we read, not strong enough to discontinue this action. Sadness will last forever, that's what Vincent thought that time. Is it true? I might not know what other's experience or what might come in front of me. I'm just a girl with a simple thought, that there's no sadness beyond our ability to taste its bitterness. Bitter, I've taste once in coffee, chocolate, medications (tongue), I've taste in separation, loosing someone we loved, betrayal (heart), distrust, underfunded, rejection, underestimation (thought) and many more. I believe, it's kind of path that we have to face no matter how.
Sometimes when I feel extremely sad, I listen to this song Takdir (destiny). I like the lyrics, and hope it will always works for me.
Bila mungkin ada luka coba tersenyumlah

If there'll might be wound, try to smile
Bila mungkin tawa coba bersabar lah

If there'll be laugh, try to patient
Karena air mata tak abadi

Coz tears won't last forever
Akan hilang dan berganti

It will vanished and changed
Bila Hidup hampa terasa

When life feels so dull
Mungkinkah hati merindukan Dia

Would it be this heart missing Him
Karena dengan-Nya hati tenang

Coz by remembering Him this heart feel peace
Damai jiwa dan raga

Peace within body and soul

2007-07-11T12:54:00.000+07:00

Back to this home again............................

2006-05-30T14:53:00.000+07:00

Courtesy of mas Lutfi/Espos
Solemn funeral
Aroused by tremor which shocked Java early in the fresh morning, took more than 5,400 casualties. Families who lost their relatives, try to burried the corpse as soon as possible, using all apparatus easily found.
The pieces of kafan sheet which should be covering the dead body of muslims, couldn’t easily found either nor the water to shower them for the last time. But I’m sure God already widely open His arms to embrace them in purity.
This picture took few hours after the earthquake in Wedi, Klaten

2006-05-30T14:48:00.000+07:00

Courtesy of Pak Yok/Espos
Day 2, displaced and homeless...waiting for aid under ragged tent. Wedi, Klaten.

Dear God.....

2006-05-27T17:37:00.000+07:00

Dear God………………..
This morning you remind us of your power again, force us to admitt of how helpless we are. Today, we lost our relatives, friends, neighbors and people we know. This morning we’ve experience tremor, perhaps it’s just one of your tiny tremor, but it already take more than 2.000 life’s away.
This morning, we saw weeping mother who lost her 4 years old child in her arms. This morning we saw, families shed gallons of tears of losing everyone they loved.
God…do forgive us.

2006-05-13T23:32:00.000+07:00

Now..the giant is about to wake..... courtesy of AP/Photo

Yukiyo was twenty-six. He never traveled too far from Balerante a tiny village down the gigantic mount Merapi, the most active mountain here in south east Asia. Lived in a home-like barn with his wife and three kids, perhaps create a unexplainable rapture that I should never ask. And I won’t dare to ask either of how choices comes to people’s life. I’d rather watch, listen and try to learn from this sight.

This family jolted along with thousand villagers who should be evacuated as the giant Merapi begins its motion. The golden lava melt down through all passage, it flows rapidly down the volcano’s slopes. But I got amazed when he refuse to be evacuated from a place which almost showering tephra and gases in the air everyday. And it seems it would be no great matter if they were to miss the last truck used to evacuate villagers.

"It happens all the time, this giant won’t harm us. We won’t leave this place," said Yukiyo in somber tone

And just like all other Javanese, Yukiyo’s decision as the head of the family always mean order for the whole members, wife and kids. I try not to argue about this and just listen to all explanation he said. Above all term he use to explain, there’s a huge worries that I captured from his eyes. Worries of losing assets, mostly cattle he grown, farm and the barn. How could an assets compares to human’s life? That’s the biggest question inside my head. If I were him, perhaps I’ll run as far as I can go to avoid the anger of Merapi. In another angle, perhaps I could understand why he thought this way.

Most Indonesian have to struggle more than anyone could understand, just to posses one single cow or a goat. Villagers mostly depend their life as a farm labor earning dime to dime just to run their own tiny farm. Perhaps, land is somekind of inheritance assets to the villagers, but convert them to produce crops need lots of cash, which this people won’t able to touch unless work as a labor first. And from their own farm, they finally can afford to buy cattle which sometimes shown as a precious assets.

"I won’t leave the cattle, they’ve serve us more than enough. This cows and goats truly part of our life, and there’s no adequate reason to left them behind. If we leave them, it always mean we’ll lost them. And there’s no way for us able to buy them again," Yukiyo said in anxiety.

I sat on the concrete platform, somekind of water tank to irrigate Yukiyo’s small farm. In distance I saw Yukiyo’s youngest child, five years-old Dama leading seven goat to its home. His round brown face reflect mirth everythime he talked to the goats. I thank God I captured this view, lookin shiny glass eyes staring at one of the goat while he keep babbling words. Dama rub and hugs the goat back gently, and called this goat "Surip"

"Wow…that’s your goat name?," I asked Dama.

His shiny glass eyes stared at me now..then he nodded deep. Yukiyo smile and said to me,
"How could I separate Dama from his friends. I won’t able to see his shiny glass eyes anymore, he will torn apart. While all the strength I'll need to fight, I'll find inside his eyes. This won’t be easy for me," Yukiyo said.

I just smile to him, and always wish for this family safety. Since I know, no one will able to convince them to move.

Hero...

2006-01-29T13:39:00.000+07:00

A dark clouds have been decorating the offing lately, my eyes catch them from the shore were I put my feet on. Clouds of sadness of losing more than one friend in a time, and it gets darker when it comes to revealed deepest fear of how fragile we are. But we don’t live a day with may be and what if, since the sunlight still shine no matter how huge our hesitation about it. We did move on, and this always mean forward, cause there’s no step back allowed within our days. We already enjoy the lack of knowledge about tomorrow as a part of a challenge facing this life. The uncertainty becomes dearest friend when we talk about next days to follow. And that’s what I learn from scenes of life captured within this few days, weeks, months..
Yesterday, I’m being asked why I thought Indiana Jones is some kind of hero to me. Perhaps my answer little bit odd, since I always think this characters is truly unique and electrifying. I never dreamt about super hero rescuing my days, I just wondering how an ordinary man able to think and use all effort he had to help others and somehow…just save the world. I like Indiana Jones, since he’s just an ordinary man, flesh and blood, doesn’t have any super power, wings to fly, high tech gadgets, he’s just a typical of man who adores creativity.
And above all, Indiana Jones also live with uncertainty, bleed, scratch, and suffer as I do. One thing that I always capture from this movie is that life is an adventure, the uncertainty create challenges, and this is our call to sharpen each tiny competence inside us become a great power. That’s why I like this tagline, "If adventure has a name, it must be Indiana Jones". Though it’s just a movie, but this character make me think try to act and resolve like him.
Few months ago, I almost give up when my research come to nowhere end, daily work create tons of pressure, and the most unbelievable condition is I have to revealed stinky reality that in this world have a disease called "Middle Age Crisis". I have to fight for my own dignity in a place where I should be highly respected, though the consequences little bit hard but thank God, I survive. For once in my life, I begin to think that marital status indeed have a great meaning for woman in this country, since "single status" create somekind of visible invitation stitch upon our forehead. And this "Middle Age Crisis" almost become a pandemic within this environment, which really need to be erased. This unpleasant case already create a disturbance, but won't affect me on my own principles. I’m not naïve young girl who got easily manipulated, I begin to think like Indiana Jones, I believe I should fight till the last blood if I have to. If I win, I’ll walk proudly free, but if I lost…I’d rather find a better place to stay. And I did win. With the spirit of Indiana Jones, and the light from above I’m able to change uncertainty into a fun adventure with full of challenge.
Step by step….I saw the light knocking on my doors, to inform the dark clouds already gone. Though the offing isn’t always mine, but the colors I want to see is truly depend on me. I’m sure my horizons create amusing colors since I’ve passed one test and waiting for another...

Wierd things

2006-01-25T20:33:00.000+07:00

Since Steve tagged me to put some oddity that i usually do. Here my top five wierd things:
1. I talk to mostly animal i've met, cats, goat, cow, chickens..just to say hi..and i'm sure they responds my greetings :D I talk to my mango trees to, while expecting them to grow well. :D
2. When i'm swimming, i pretend that i'm flying like a bird
3. Indiana Jones is kind of hero to me
4.My mouth goes upside-down when i'm confused
5.I dream about mind reader device to support my idleness :D
Now...i don't knw who should i tagged :D...

Sincerity

2005-11-11T16:44:00.000+07:00

Within the whole month of last Ramadhan, I try to figure out the meaning of this sole word, sincerity. I try to close my eyes from worldly desire, slice by slice as righteous man advice. But this word keep bothering my head, sincerity…, what if somehow I expect something from this world for my action? Then, all deeds that have done already blemish with worldly expectation. If there’s no sincerity in my action, would it be worthy?.
A friend, came to ask forgiveness one day. Ask me to forget a spot which I couldn’t even recall until the day he reminds me of it. This trembling lips never guessed, that my forgiveness would be worthy for someone else, then I easily said “I’ve forgotten since long time,” But after he left, this heart keep on tracking what exactly he has done to me back days. And this act caught me in the middle of ambiguity, whether I sincerely forgive him or capturing the feeling of regret. Sometimes, this mouth easily mentioned sweet words just to get people appreciation, while this heart still grumbling with the opposite.
This temporary objective already create a war inside heart, and bring nothing but diminish sincerity which should be lay down as a base. How could I ever able to change this ragged clothes covering my heart with something pure and honest. While it still arguing something which should be entomb from the beginning.
This alert mind keep on pronouncing, losing a friend will become a misfortune, not only while we lived but after that too. It’s always feel better to let it go and leave it all behind, and I do hope this feeling will eventually last forever. In my previous post, I write if a friend done a mistake just write it down on the sand, so the wind will easily erase them. It is weird, that today I write something expressing the opposite. But sometimes, this matter indeed pass us by within our days, and I prefer keep trying to write it down on the sand to find out the true meaning of sincerity one day.

Apple tree

2005-09-29T14:10:00.000+07:00

Many years ago, I heard this story from my teacher at the basic school, then few days ago I still found this story written on a tabloid. I guess, that will be okay if I share this story, in front of Ramadhan.
...
It was so long ago when the morning dew still as fresh as a sprinkle of a creek water. There was an apple tree, stand still, with lush green leaves embrace each and every sprig. And its ripe and fresh fruits, flowering the whole body of this tree. This place always become a favorite playground of mine, feels like heaven every time climbing its branch, eating ripe fruits fresh from the tiny twig which hold Them. Not forget to mention countless cat nap I’ve passed under this shady tree.
I love this place as a playground and the tree loves me too, I can sense its whisper to express the joy of accompanying me for a whole day. I realize its pleasure every time I eat the fruit and climb up till the highest branch, even my absence give nothing but yearning to this tree.
As time goes by and I grow as a strong teenage, no time for me to play around that apple tree anymore. Hangout more with friends, and couldn’t see the joy of napping under this tree anymore. But one day when I got so confuse, this tree become a destination to approach.
“Come on, play again around me like old times,” the apple tree offer.
“No, I’m not a child anymore. I don’t enjoy playing around you anymore. I want to enjoy my youth, but don’t have any money to fulfil it,” I said.
“Why don’t you pick all the ripe fruits you can find in me, then sell them to earn some money you need. You’ll get whatever you need with the money,” this apple tree kindly offer again.
I was so happy hearing this, then reap all fruit on the tree and bring them to the market without thinking twice or even look back at the apple tree.
The apple tree already feel happy, every time saw me happy. But years later, I never visit this tree again, not even a single news ever cross to notify where am I. The apple tree no longer rich with fruits, but its leafy branch still offer warm shelter to everyone.
As I went adult, the power of time already craft unavoidable mark upon my face. I still notice that old apple tree, then come to it with my filthy face.
“What happen with you, come to me and have fun again,” this apple tree still longing for me like old times.
“No, I have no more time to play. I have to work to build a house for my family. Would you help me?,” I said.
“I’m so sorry, I have no home but you can cut off my big branch to build a house for your family,” this tree still kindly offer.
Once again, without thinking twice I cut off all big branches of the apple tree to build a house for the entire family of mine. After I got what I want, I left this apple tree with wide open smile around my face. And again, this tree look so happy as I feel happy.
But another years have come knocking into my doors again. I grow much-much older, when confusion come closer to me, this apple tree always cross on my mind as a destination. For every problems that I’ve had, this tree always offer a way out, so is now.
“It’s been so long you never visit me, come here and have some fun like old times,” this apple tree said.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not a little boy who love to play with you anymore. I’m old, and I want to be a sailor, but I have no boat to sail. Would you help me?,” I said.
“I don’t have a boat to give, but you can cut off my body to make a boat. With this you can reach your dreams become a sailorman,” unconditional offer uttered from this tree again.
My happiness shimmering as I found big and strong log to make a boat. I leave that tree without saying goodbye or even grateful for the gift. But, as always the apple tree always look happy for me as my smile frown upon my face.
As seasons changed, months walking on its path, I fell helpless as an old man. But that apple tree always become a destination when I feel languish. So here I come to a tree who has done so many things for me.
“I’m so sorry I have no more to give to you, I’ve given my fruit, my branch and my body to you. Now, I’m just a bunch of root with no power to grow anymore,” this tree sadly admitt.
“I no longer need your apple to eat, since I have no more teeth to bite. I no longer need your branch, cause my lack of power to cut it off and I won’t need your log, since I have no more power to sail. I just feel so tired and want to rest,” I said.
“Then come on closer, rest in my arms,” this tree last offer.
Now, how I realize this tree already offer me so much. The sacrifice this tree offer just to saw smile crossed upon my face, done beyond it’s capability to survive.
This apple tree mentioned in this story is perfectly like our parents. When we’re kids, we love to play with them, but when we grow bigger we prefer hang out with friends while we still asked for their favor.
Then we left them to search the essence of our existence in live, but still we need their help to make us stand still. We just come to ask for a favor which they never refuse to offer, but we easily left them as we got what we need.
…
Entering the Ramadhan, I would like to remind you to kiss your parents and give all gratitude they always deserve. May God shower them with blessings.

In need of a reflection

2005-08-22T20:54:00.000+07:00

As bright and clear today as it was yesterday, the sun still shinning harsh through the summer time. was enjoy reading my book within this Independence Day’s holiday,August 17th, under windless sky. The mango tree outside my window blossoming its tiny buds, which I hope will grow as a tasty fruit the next few months. My country celebrating its 60th Independence Day that day, as any other houses in the entire country my little house already uplifted The Red and White flag.
The noise of people celebrating this precious day with many kind of games at the volley ball court behind my house, didn’t make my legs move to come. I’ve passed those annual moment with reading a book, in front of my gigantic grass yarn. I was sitting at the veranda, remembering last year celebration, a year before, and before, and so on. I try to capture memories how my family, my friends, my neighbours, celebrating this moment, then my lips moved drawing thin smile upon my face. Yes, those days when I was battling with the kids for many kind of games, including swimming in shallow pond looking for coins hidden in the bottom. Today, when I saw that pond again the only words that come up nothing but, I must be out of my mind swimming in a full of mold and mud pond. But my memories captured happiness every time opening a slide show of this moment.
As I grow bigger, those games didn’t seem to be fun no more. But I still enjoy organizing that kind of games to all kids back days. And now, perhaps I’ve grown older not only bigger to say that it wasn’t my call anymore. Two years ago, I still amused by those kid’s happy faces while they use my yarn to do all games activity, but last year I don’t event had a chance to watch them play here. The green grass they used to love sleeping on, already grow bigger and not cozy as a playground anymore. Sometimes I think, there’s nothing I could offer to those kids anymore, not even a place to play.
My wicked mind sometimes shows its claw, when I begin to be easily irritate by the kids noises or the microphone used by neighbours to sing. That’s become a start for me to leave all cheerful game time behind. By no means of reducing the meaning of Independence Day, I’ve dragged myself into insensitive person, which I hate. I should find out the way out, before I start digging deeper pit and buried my mind inside of it.

New version of Mr G

2005-08-21T12:01:00.000+07:00

This Exotic Blue cat, worth US$2.500, lent by its owner for a while to me. Since then, I always able to catch jealousy in my own cats eyes everytime they see this. :) This 5 months cat, perectly look like Mr Garfield with the latest fur color version. thanks to Mr Effendi for the adorable cat.

Cat Show

2005-08-10T16:59:00.000+07:00

Attending a cat show was a pleasant experience for me. Watching those adorable feline walk in grace, enticingly moving their cute fat tail, has flow me away to an oak tree. Perhaps I’ve gone amnesia with my own life, and voluntarily dragged into feline paradise for a while. I’ll surrender everything to stay there much longer, enriching my eyes with gorgeous memories of fabulous cats.

This place more like a palace to me than a hall, where fancy cages, high-priced cat toys, and of course high class cats talk in royal languages. Not forget to mention all the cuisine lays on the table, truly classy feast I’ve ever seen.

For a domestic cat like me, this festive party indeed beyond my imagination. At the first time my master talking about this event, there was a big bump inside my heart. Gosh it can’t be true, she must be out of her mind for taking me there. I ain’t royal cat, my unknown ancestor won’t be better than a musty street cats.
Compare to those shimmering fur ball, celebrities, descendant of royal cats, there’s no doubt that I’m the ugliest.

I will gladly accept if there’s any female cats turn their delicate tail away from me, even reject to look a former street cat like me straight in the eye. I really shouldn’t be here, but let my master’s feeling down will be the last thing I’d ever do in my whole life. Just listening how enthusiast she prepare my one and only cage this morning, already make my moustache grows bigger, I will certainly smile if human able to consider it as a smile.

“It will be wonderful day Chocolate, you’ll met adorable cats there. Celebrities, awards winner, and the most important thing is, you’ll met your favorite vet to give you nice gently shot. O ya..one more thing, I’m sure you’ll like it…free cat food for the whole day,” my master said this morning, while grooming my nails and furs.

And here I am, in the middle of a glamour feast among gorgeous cats I ever seen. I start losing my confident every time saluting those gorgeous feline, while they prefer sneer at me. That won’t irritate much, since I certainly aware of my existence rather than my performance.

I am 8 months old male cat with sharp claws and tough jaws, abandoned on the street since born, considered as a trifling feline who should be exanimate from the beginning. I still remember, that was the hottest summer for a newborn kitten, lay helpless near filthy trash bags on the edge of an damp alley. My rusty body couldn’t look better than a mice, which people could easily step on without feeling guilty find me dead beneath their sneakers. But I’m a lucky being able to survive there.

Hunger is the only reason why my mouth couldn’t stop making noises, or in my language that called crying, weeping, and desperate begging. For two days since I was born to watch the golden sun shine this damp place in the morning, I keep crying and crawling with lame finger tips. Then a girl came in sudden, her soft voice sounds like a magical mantra, heal my inner wound, comfort me with a new hope.

The next day, I was found my self covered in thick warm blanket in a small dog house. Later I realize that girl already brought me to her place, small but cozy place with gigantic grass grows wild in the back yard, right in front of my bed room.

I grow up here, doing all cat’s activities, doing exercise, sharpening my nails by climbing trees, catching living prey, the latter always make my master mad. But I couldn’t help my inner instinct, to hunt down bulky rat but also frogs which sometimes make me puke just by coming closer to them. But those friends have shape me from mere cat into strong ones, fat in my body never looked agglomerated in one certain point, like bulky belly. I enjoy my master compliment every time we got back from the vet, with wide open smile she said,

“You are a fine healthy cat, the weight is normal and far away from obesity. That’s good Chocolate, keep doing the exercise perhaps you should take an aerobic course with me,” she said in laugh.

My master, beyond of her ridiculous action she is truly a best friend, she never treated me differently than any other human in her house. Though sometimes what she does irritate her sister, but she always won the battle while stood for me. Just like when I chew all her sister’s office report, I almost getting hit by a broomstick for that. But my master, with all her ridiculous excuses (even a cat like me able to consider that none of her explanation of my action was reasonable) never miss any single minus-juror trial.

She always won the battle, even the battle is always about my nasty behavior. Sometimes, I begin to feel like Garfield, but he absolutely don’t reflect my characters, at least I won’t allow my self become like him. Perhaps it is laughable, how comes it, then, that a cat like me suddenly care about this fat, lazy but lovable feline. At least Garfield giving idea, that somehow cat also carry human characters. Hard to explain, why I become attracted to this cynical orange cat who loves all eatable cuisine and always sneer at anyone near. But those humorous strips help me to discover different side of human typical and perhaps my own character as well.

Garfield, who loves lasagna, coffee, and his television remote control, sometimes reflect a kind of activity which is easily found me or may be in you. Little bit scary if somehow human beings, content to regard eating and sleeping as their only purposes in life. Something clearly shown by all feline, in their day to day stories. But, scares me more if somehow, people believe that impassivity of mind and body were the sign of achievement. I’m not that kind of cat, as long as I can move my legs, I’ll work out. As long as my mouth could smile, I’ll smile even though people won’t understand why and what kind of a smile is that?. At least for my master, I’ll always shine her days..like she shine mines.

That’s why, I walk in proud in her hands though those priceless cats sneer at me. That won’t aggrieve at all, since I’m in the arm of a person who always consider me as a priceless cat, though with no fur ball or fancy color. Her warm arms comfort me enough to walk in proud among those royal cats, it is love that chained inside heart which make a cat like me become so precious to her.

Karma

2005-07-27T17:50:00.000+07:00

...
I thought I was the first to wake up here in this small guest house, deep in the heart of Banyuwangi, latter I found out an old woman already begin her day before the sun light knocking each shut windows. Ni Prawestri, that’s how neighbor called the lady with snow-white hairs. She seems occupied preparing sesajen or offering to God, consist of various flowers, pure water, fruits and some incense gathered within a small clay plate. Her hands move so fast clean up flowers, fruits then cut them to small pieces, and prepare all substances needed for the sesajen.

Living among the Javanese culture for years, make me so close with this kind of activity. Delivering sesajen is part of Javanese culture descended from Hinduism and Animism culture for centuries, and still reach as many people as it gets who still believe in this offering activity. Ni Prawestri and many other people living in this neighborhood still believe that no one should miss preparing sesajen every morning in the front gate of their house. And this small but tidy place where I spend my days while in Banyuwangi still follow this ritual within their rhythm of life.

The scent of fresh cut flowers spray the morning breeze with sweet fragrance, as all windows begin to widely open as mine. Ni Prawestri hasn’t stopped any motion since dawn, she already grabbed a whisk broom then start to sweep all dirt away from the soft dusty yard. It is amaze me for a nearly 80 years old women, Ni Prawestri looked so active and never want to stop a second until everything properly finished. I know, I won’t able talking to her before she finish all her supreme duty during the day break, hence I just wait and enjoy every activity she’s done from distant.

I wait more than an hour just to see her, little more relax enjoying a cup of hot tea at the veranda. She pour a hot black tea from clay tea pot into a small cup, how she enjoy the aroma of jasmine from that tea indeed amusing. Finally I could greet her without feeling guilty of doing nothing since morning unless keep my eyes on her activity. Then we jump in to a long conversation about way of living this short term of life. She always emphasize that life is truly short, and need to be fueled with good deed.

“It’s not only the matter of this presence life, but also what we’ll harvest when the cycle of rebirth capture our soul,” she said.

Rebirth? I don’t even remember this concepts ever cross on my mind, but I really want to know her thought about it. So, I listen to her story in more attention. She believe that human will always rebirth in another body after physical death, I know this concepts is related with few religions upon this earth. And Ni Prawestri is Hindu believer, in many ways this ancient religions still captivate many people on this planet.

“This moment is the right time to grow all good seed within this life, and the next day when this body already lost its duty our soul will flow to a better body. Everyday I will work as hard as I could, in hope someday I will find a better cover to benevolence soul that I’ve plant and watered everyday,” she added.

I nodded deep though couldn’t exactly understand what she said, but the main lesson is that she never waste anytime doing useless activity. She believe in karma as an absolute pattern of action an reaction, or even more like normal banking system related with debit-credit of good and bad. If someone save more good deed in their current account of life, she will be earned with certain amount of interest she’ll look up to. She know there’s nothing could evade from karma, cause everything we plant today we’ll just wait until the next day to harvest it.

For a moral lesson, I thought there’s nothing wrong with this concepts, and I admire every person who thought this way. And for me, who grow up with different concept of life, death and after death still able to accept this as a part of brighter side of humanism.

2005-07-14T11:37:00.000+07:00

(c)decadevolcano.net

boleh upload dari decadevolcano. maklum untuk naek ke sana baru sebatas impian :)

Ijen crater, Mount Raung, Banyuwangi East Java

Glenmore

2005-07-13T18:10:00.000+07:00

Glenmore
Many times I dream about jobs consist of far away journey, enjoyable outdoors, observing hidden places, and privileges to meet as many communities I can find. It has become my usual practice to search articles related with heterogeneous society and googgling about certain community with its own uniqueness. I ain’t study about the anthropological side of a society, but I’d rather sneak-in to those society to learn about their language. To find out more how a certain language developed within a society. And the word sneak-in I chose, indeed gives misleading impression, sounds like a thief or clandestine lover. But it is true that I ain’t invited guest, who has indirect watchful eye to any single words flowering their lips. One by one, I captured any single phrase, terms, diction, within their chosen words used to explain something for me. Since they didn’t realize that one more term already transfered into my comprehension, that’s how I begin to feel like sneak-in to somebody mansion.

Glenmore, is my recent destination. Don’t bother to assume that it’s located near Virginia, US or even in Scotland, since it’s not far from part of earth where I put my slippers on. Glenmore is a district in Banyuwangi, East Java, or perhaps the edge of this island and close enough to Bali. This place offer its own uniqueness, not forget to mention the scenery but also the heterogeneous community inside of it.

The famous Mount Raung crater offer its beauty, and the eminence of the peak mentioned in the top-12 mountain in Indonesia. Precisely how a climbers chosen term to explain top of mountain which is 3.000 above the sea level or more. The challenge to reach Raung’s peak becomes a dream of every climber, which you can pull me out from it. Most of the climber usually only able to reach at the edge of the crater, but to climb higher perform greater risk which most people have to calculate wisely on. Glenmore offer the easier passage to reach the top, but for a beginner like me, I’d rather lingering to a brief story the adventure team give to me. Once again, trekking isn’t my biggest interest of my journey. Long hours conversation will satisfy me more, to learn different pattern of Javanesse language.

Fortunately, this journey allows me to meet few Glenmore’s resident talking in unique language, called Osing. My first impression hearing this language dragged me into a guess if it’s related with Madurese language. But the more I listen, the more uniqueness I captured, that the Madurese language only a tiny part of that language. Osing or Using is a community claimed to be the descendants of the Majapahit princes who refused to convert its belief in Islam in the 16th century. Majapahit as the biggest national kingdom which build Indonesia today, face dusk of its power as the Islam era reach Java, while Majapahit still uphold its precious Hindu religion. They’d rather run to a far away places, like Banyuwangi, and Tengger, and the society developed by this refugee called the Osing.

This language are commonly speak in Banyuwangi region, and sometimes called as a Blambangan language regarding to the name of Banyuwangi centuries ago. Within the language, also be found big influence of Balinese language, Madurese, Javanese, and some of them also influenced by English. Osing, refer to the word Tusing in Balinese language, which means, not.

Its dialect sounds more like ancient Javanese language, which is also similar to Balinese language. Though in this region, Javanese language is easier to be found, but we still easily find people who still speak Osing language in their daily conversation. English influence also be found in this language, such as Sulung refer to So long, and Nagud which is refer to No good in English, which also means not good.

The Dutch colonialism also bring influence within the society, specially in converting Osing community to Islam and Christianity to tame the fighting spirit of this community. But converting someone belief isn’t as easy as a blink of an eye, that’s why large Hindu population still prevail among the Osing society till this very moment. And the Glenmore, also came from Dutch colonialist to name one of their tea plantation there. My next post will describe their unique activities, and amazing thoughts which come out as their way of life. Hope you’re not be bored :)

The Time is sword

2005-06-27T17:29:00.000+07:00

To write down everything that I’ve done within a day is quite difficult for me, perhaps it took another day to tell how many activities that already done. Here is my weakness, I never used to make any printed timetable to remind me the “things to do list”. I’d rather keep that in mind, and obviously this brain storage not as good as while I’m still teenage. There were too many possibility of leaking memories, so I got slipped and missed some items. “Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody does something, but no one does what he sets out to do”. And I have to admit this quote have come to my senses.
The two major activities, work and school indeed took the biggest portion of my time. There were obligations to accomplished, and if it’s not work out properly, the unfavorable consequences happily waiting at the edge. Of course the work subject emphasize deeper, since it’s related with greater responsibility. This rhythm already flows within my days since 2,5 years ago, the very moment when I finally get a real job for the first time. I mentioned real job, since it has hierarchy where I’m willing to pursue in every achievement that I make. Working outside has become my usual practice since high school, from McD’s to shop assistant in a bookstores in town. I enjoy every single job, the bookstore is my favorite place cause I can read as many book that I can digest. But when the Japanesse comic fever stroke in every alley of that book store, my favorite books been removed to give the new Sweetheart bigger space. Working is fun, and the money is good too, though sometimes friends look at me as a weirdo. Just like in western teenage movies there’s always be The Gorgeous, The Macho, and The Weirdo, the latter is my role. Skinny, bespectacled, with unhealthy look just like the wind eager to blow me out, that’s the best teenage picture of me that time. And of course, as a weirdo I have my own community, evade from those shinning stars and built our own castle. With these supportive friends, I finally found greater passion to make our own income. No time for fooling around, chit-chat about the most gorgeous guy in school, or wasting time talking about movies on the phone. “The time is money” this western favorite term, shrieking inside our teenage brain. Then try to find as many job as possible to fill our purse with cash, is the utmost agenda. From place to place we learn how to take full responsibility of any action we make, but sometimes the work dragged us into routine and lesser time we finally could met each other.
Somehow, this habit already follows my shadow for years. I’m still thinking that “time is money” and try to grab all fortune which pass in front of me without even blink twice. Believing there’s no second offer, drown me into machiavellian person, everything should be well calculated and always try to secure all financial future. Watching the way I grow, have came to my father’s concern. Actually he never talk too much or react overwhelming to his children, probably the matter of age always keeping him calm. He’s more than 73 years old right now and still able jogging 5 miles early in the morning. But watching me working more than 12 hours a day, give him more anxiety than satisfaction. It’s always good to learn, from someone who accumulates knowledge of the world’s wickedness better. Sometimes people grows ever the more cautious and sometimes ever the more prepared for the worst. And the way I spend my days, in my father’s spectacle isn’t the best answer.
I remember when he reshape my thought regarding the time subject,
“The time is sword,” he said.
“Life isn’t about fortune and sensible substance you posses, this world isn’t the end of our journey. Time is sword, if you couldn’t handling it well, someday it will torment you in bleed. But if you maintain it well and use it wisely, this sword will strike all obstacles in your life,” in brief he attached.

*I'll remember this Dad, sorry for not calling more than a week.

Dewaruci

2005-06-20T19:08:00.000+07:00

Note: Just wanna share this story, it was taken from a Wayang Kulit plot, “Wejangan Dewaruci”. And this plot have been so many time retold by hundreds of Dalang in Indonesia. But this one is my favorit, rewrote and retold by Hermiel M Soekarjo. Please forgive my chosen words if it’s not suitable with the original version.
----
It was long time ago, this earth was as old as God and Goddess age, when Bima stunned closely from the shore, embraced by the warm rhythm of the wave, confused, puzzled and had no where to turn, no one to ask. Dewaruci, he who posses all the wisdom sympathize on Bima, look in distance. He knows that Bima’s assignment is too huge, and he won’t able to accomplish. Bima was told by his grand master, to seek sacred water named Tirta Pawitra which is never exist on this universe.
Dewaruci come approaching him then ask, “What are you looking for my child? there’s nothing left in this soundless and empty place beside disaster and sorrow,”
Bima stunned at the voice he just heard, and try to find whose the owner of this spirited sounds, and then he mumble, “what kind of creature it is, alone in the middle of the silent ocean. So tiny but sound so spirited but arrogant indeed?,”
The firm voice come out again, “This place is soundless, it’s impossible for you to find any single knowledge in this place. You just wasted all efforts to search on something you don’t understand without regarding your own safety,”
In stunned, Bima realized that the voice must be belong to a wise person indeed, greater than any human he ever met.
“I don’t know exactly what I’ve been looking for, and I don’t even able to recognize my self,” Bima replied in helpless confusion.
And then Dewaruci introduce himself as a God whose duty to give guidance to a noble man like Bima.
“My child, I know everything about you. The son of Sang Hyang Guru from the Brahma himself, the son of Kunti with two other brothers, Yudistira and Janaka. Whose half twin brothers, Nakula and Sadewa from princess of Mandaraka, Madrim. You came here to accomplish your master assignment, Sang Hyang Durna, to seek for Tirta Prawita which is never exist,” Dewaruci explained.
Bima found him self speechless, and then ask for the best guidance to get out from all darkness swinging inside his heart.
“Show me the best way, My Lord. I’m just like a sword without its cover,” Bima begged.
“Just be patience my child, life is hard indeed. But always try to remember these words, never walk without knowing your objective. Don’t share any spoon to others if you haven’t sure about the taste of it. Knowledge will come as you ask about it, and it may come by imitate. Everything will accomplish with an action,” the guru advise.
And continued with his next message, never act like a hillbilly who try to bought a gold. They already satisfied with yellow iron they had in hand, but never exactly understand what it is. Total obedience without reasoning will blind you.

Muadzin

2005-06-17T17:23:00.000+07:00

It is usual that in every mosque all over the world must have a Muadzin who oblige to call on muslims for a prayer, five times a day and on Friday prayer as well. Intone of Muadzin as always recall our memory to relieve all occupied brain and body, to rest a while and bow deep in solemn prayer. And this soft and melodious voices that I always hear from a daybreak till the night falls, since I live in this environment eight years ago. Probably I wasn’t quite recognize this ritual at the beginning but as the days gone by, this Muadzin voice become more powerful than my alarm clock to wake me up just before sunrise, and more effective than my boss yelling to remind me that it’s already noontime. Sometimes, it feels like tend to wait his voices to start my day or to remind me that I’m human not a robotic gadget without a soul.
Yes, the voice of 70 years old Muadzin indeed move me, and grows my curiosity to find out who’s the owner of that voices exactly look-like. Like I said, he’s a 70 years old man who live nearby the neat and tidy mosque surrounded by myriad town house. We finally met one day, and I’m little bit amaze with everything he told me that day.
This Muadzin name is Umair, though the power of time has taken all firm skin into wrinkle, but I still recognize he’s strong nerve tinted upon his face. In the middle of wide shining mosque floor, we sat cross-legged and start talking. This old man always give his warm smile, though there isn’t any shinning teeth in that smile. He’s face becoming quite red when I ask about the tattoo I see on his arm, then he smile again.
“How old are you?,” he asked while wiping his fully tattooed arms.
“I’m 25 sir,” I replied.
Precisely the same age he got all that tattoos, he said. Though it is quite unusual for a muslim to have tattoo upon their body, but I don’t ask any further. He just said, that he’s been through so many kind of joy and bitterness jolted down more than a half of his age. As in his youth time, he’s been wandering as many jungle as I can mention here in this country.
“I was warring with my own ego. Far away from home, parents that I’ve never known and finally found part of my heart through that journey. Raising 10 wonderful kids in poverty become a tough challenge that I nearly surrender. Everything goes on unplanned, and I have to start my own way,” the breath of the old man expelled in silent.
As he mentioned before, this old man life perhaps full of challenge that no one could imagine. Work as a labor in the pier couldn’t help his family to live in proper either. Afterward the waves of poverty brought him laboring from town to town.
“I’ve slipped so many times, stumble, and stuck in dark shallow pit stained with many kind of human sins. But, family behind my back always rescued me, no matter how bad the stained colored my days. I understand their anger upon my helpless effort, but they still convince me after a cloudy days will always followed with a brighter ones,” he smile again.
And the moment to harvest those brighter days has come, he finally tasted the sweet of family embrace as his children grown up and uphold their own family honor. Become a Muadzin he said, is more like an expression of gratitude he always want to show as long as his breath couldn’t properly expelled through the air again.
“I know, so many sins have been stained in this life, but compare to Allah gracious there aren’t any differences between social classes, race, even sins that really matters. The most important thing is a total surrender,” he said.
He always said, no social classes, race, or gender that really matters in front of God. Even a slave, Bilal, become the first Muadzin for muslims and become a dear friend of Muhammad. And even Jesus Christ also brief Allah kingdom to all who stay humble and have a willingness to surrender in God.

An old friend rendezvous

2005-06-15T15:27:00.000+07:00

It’s been a very long time since you left, while I don’t exactly know the reason of your leaving. Just your silhouette of you that I saw dancing within the shimmering raindrops fell that night. I only sense the anger tinted upon your face, and perhaps that’s a good enough reason for you to leave. We used to have a great time together, laughing, dancing, make our own feast, and always hard to catch my breath while chasing you running, yes, and this one is my favorite. But those joyous moment approaching when the lemon trees backyard were taller than both of us.
The time has running fast, or perhaps flying like a supersonic jet, leaving those moments behind and distinction among our self grow faster beyond our comprehension. Now, everyone in my time have to be serious in any case inside their life, any activity that we used to love to do never cross in people’s mind again. Never, since I was taller than those trees backyard, I don’t even remember my last time laughing with you or with anyone, and don’t ask when was my last dance? It was so long ago when we’re still smaller than those lemon trees. And you, you never change a bit, you always think that, this life is too precious to be wasted in such a serious manner, that’s why you laugh more often than I do, you dance in any chances, and you always create your own feast in this life.
I do miss our chit-chat at the veranda while the wind softly blow our frown faces, but it didn’t happen for so long. Talking nonsense and sometimes verbalizing our own dreams the night before, but those was a great moments. We sat cross-legged on the grass, watching the blue skies, and start to blow out silly comments,
“Would it be the same sky we’ll found in other places? What do the sky looks like in Neverland, a place where people don’t grow old?. I want to see different skies, not only this sky upon our heads now,” I said.
And you just laugh at me and said, those skies won’t be different but it is me who could easily changed. You always said, I’m the one who could create my own atmosphere, my own rainbow, or my own cloudy sky. I couldn’t understand any single word you said that day, but later I finally agree with you.
Surprisingly today I saw you in front of my doors, stand still, with the same look that I always recognized. I captured a snap shot that telling me, you’ve been through more than enough warring in this life. Perhaps your luck went bad, and the passionate expression you always show suddenly swallowed inside deep exhaustion. But I still couldn’t find any regret emphasized within the words you chosen. You’re still you, an old friend of mine who always convince me that life is an episode worthy enough to spend with cheery moments, since the ending isn’t our call. Therefore, why it become so hard for us to enjoy the process? Rather than worrying about the ending.
The fire couldn’t easily bent by the wind in your eyes, you still have that bravery to enjoy all process in this life. Though scratches attached to your skins easily found, and I’m only able to imagine how’s that hurt, you just smile and said,
“We have our own war to prevail, but that’s not the ending we should worried about. It’s the process, we’ve to be ready to fit in,”
Just like old times, it took me few minutes, hours, days, months or even years to digest what you’re trying to say to me. But this rendezvous, will answer our curiosity about the color of episodes in life we’ve passed back days.

Health

2005-06-09T21:22:00.000+07:00

Sometimes we got easily slipped to make a good overview about this matter, and would rather pretend not in the mood to discuss this issue. We try hard to convince ourself, there’s nothing wrong with this body, I’m okay, there’s nothing to worry, or in brief we’d rather chose this word “keep your positive thinking!” if someone started to questioned our health. There’s nothing wrong with these responses, but lately we have to be honest to ourself, that sometimes our healthy way of living not quite adequate anymore. The temptation to rid healthy life pattern away, so strong indeed, and sometimes we got easily fell into core of “I’m just trying, not addicted!,” it happens every time we saw luscious cuisine, greasy chinese food, until temptations to smoke tiny low-tarred cigarette or zero percent liquor. This trying once-in-a-while habit, will always relive inside our brain and stay there until we finally feel the effect from one of this once-in-a-while habit.
That’s how this story begin,
This weeks is full of mournful surprises for me but perhaps it will remind us to stay in the right path, concerning health issue. Last Saturday, one short message appear on my c-phone informing that my professor died caused by cervics cancer, and the next day one of my friends in this office got nasopharynx cancer in stage 4 alert, and yesterday, again I heard about my professor who always amaze me with his bright ideas since I was in the first year, found helpless on the floor by one of his pupil and then diagnosed carrying glioma inside his brain by the doctors.
These tragic news, keep ringing inside my head until today while I start googling everything about this relentless diseases. I almost found the word “smoking” in all those page related with the cause of cancers, and high consumptions of junk food also found at the top despite genetic factors. Then, I try to ask my self, did I already live in healthy way of life?. I don’t smoke or drink any liquor, but sometimes I did that once-in-a-while habit of having luscious meals. I begin to remember one of entry in Lili’s blog, telling about fried food with cooking oil also might carry carcinogenic crumb. And then this brain recall again about one of National Geographic printed edition focusing on poisons. It’s hard to believe we couldn’t easily claim that ripe fruits we bought at the market are free from insecticide which might also dragged into our body as we consume them. But we won’t let ourself fell into food-phobia or something, but reviewing our feasting pattern wouldn’t cause any harm either. While, starting to think visiting physician to check our health won’t tear us from optimism away, would it be a mistake to be cautious in keeping this health as a God’s gift on us?
And there’s one more lessons that I got, being supportive person for those friends isn’t easy either. I couldn’t deny that it’s kind a hard for me to hide tears away from this pair of eyes while watching them lies helpless on bed. More sad things shot at us, when they start to talk like there’s no hope anymore and take that moment to apologize to us, sounds like tomorrow won’t come for them.
This shadow upon their faces, as a dark as a petite chamber without single candle lit on. I always try to hide my sadness away, and start to act that’s nothing wrong happen to them. And start talking like these diseases is easily to rid off from their body. Though it’s pathetic lie which this mouth could utter, but I wish this way would bring their confidence back, and lit on the candle of hope to them. Perhaps I don’t exactly know the real pain from all medical treatment they’ve been through, but this heart do feels hurt when realize those relentless cancer already took their cheer away. Even to create such a cheerful situations with all friends who visit this ill-friends also become a challenge. It’s hard to efface more-like-funeral moment away from us, I know they want to show sympathy but to make more clouds hanging inside the room isn’t wise as well. Perhaps my thoughts are wrong about this, since people have their own way to show sympathy and I’m not claiming my way better than any other. Like I said in previous line, being supportive isn’t easy too.

El Nino

2005-06-04T16:24:00.000+07:00

El Nino, that’s how the Portuguese people called Martunis, a boy who survived from disastrous tsunami in Aceh six months ago. Martunis become wellknown after BBC’s news crew found him floating in the ocean for 21 days, miraculously survived. Endurance of 7 years old boy struggling all pains, fear, sorrow, faraway from shore was remarkable. Never gave up hope and his faith inside his heart, and keep doing all he can to stay alive, already amaze people all over the world. This fragile boy, sustain his life after eating instant noodle and mineral water that he found floating around him. It’s quite surprising for a human, stay alive out there without proper food and water for more than two weeks. Separated from him mom and sibling, right after tsunami reach his village at Tibang, Banda Aceh. He grasp a car, but the car drowning after few moments and he fell into water, but his eyes saw a piece of floating woods to hold on, but not for so long until it broken, and the he try to hold sleeping beds which also floting in the ocean. From time to time, he manage all horror he’s been through in brave. So many dead bodies he saw floating around him, never let this little boy gave up hope, in his mind if he has to find his family before
The BBC television crew saw Martunis, floating on the ocean wearing duplicate of Portuguese national team jersey, that’s how their camera captured enormous bravery from a 7 years old boy alone, leading no where waiting for God’s mercy on him. He wore Portuguese national jersey, written Rui Costa names on it. Relive in Sarbini’s mind, his little boy ask for that costume few years ago when World Cup fever reach western side of this globe. Martunis wore that costume in proud, everytime he played soccer with his friends.
This costume also play role in changing Martunis life after he being rescued, immense Sympathy from Portuguese Football Federation arise, as well as those famous soccer player from Portugal. His dream which lies deep beneath his heart come true, when he finally met his idols, Portugal national football teams. Even Manchester United star, Christiano Ronaldo, invite Martunis in person to spend one night at his mansion and also watch the game he played. To hold Luis Figo’s hand perhaps never be a dream for Martunis any much longer. He will finally met that soccer star who already attached by his courageous struggle in life. Now in the eye of 8 years old boy, this offer sounds like weird invitation, but he already there among with those stars.
Perhaps this souvenir, able to erase his hurtful memories of losing people who he loved and love him very much a bit. Not much to ask but, keeping him to stay tough facing this life after what he’s been through also become a challenge for this little boy and also a challenge for everybody around him. Maintain optimism stay lit, until the day he comprehend that all bitterness he felt raise for a cause, hurt but valuable cause.

Cloud over Tentena

2005-05-29T21:09:00.000+07:00

The dawn has broken, while the sun reach our window’s surface to make it more shiny. My mom wait quite a while at the veranda, and start ask me to get going. Today, we’ll go shopping at the Tentena market, yes, our local market which open everyday to provide us a large amount of goodies, and of course my favorite, a lolly pop in numberless color, Yummy!.
“Mom, can I have one, just one Lolly Pop after we finished shopping. Please, mom, just one for me. You wouldn’t mind, right?,” this is my regular persuade to her, and proudly always granted.
“If you help mommy carry the fruits, Lissa, and no more running on the street okay,” My mom is always the best.
Here we are in the middle of Tentena market, surrounded by lively church town with utmost beautiful scenery from the shore of lake Poso until the magnificent jungle which can’t wait to disclose its beauty. To describe this environment from the eye of 6 years old kiddo, is quite confined, but my Mom always shows me the beauty of this place, therefore only luscious sense of breeze that I could remember.
In sudden, my mom ask me to hold her hands and not too far from her side. Sometimes I thought, her overwhelming anxiety of losing me getting greater everyday. Sometimes, she act like I’m her precious possession in need to be protected in every beat of her heart. Just like when we visit Wera Salopa falls, she grabbed my hands so tight from time to time, I still remember I got mad at her for this reason. Though I understand why she did it later, that her worries greater than my curiousity of sensing that fall’s cold water.
“Lisa, hold on my hand and never let go of it okay. I want you to stay right next to me, you’ll get swallowed by this crowd,” my Mom said in anguish.
“No, mom you hold my hand, I’m afraid if I hold yours somehow I will let it loose. But if you hold my hand, I’m sure you’ll never let go of mine no matter what,” I said again, and here we are odd mom and child holding hands
walk along Tentena’s market.
Few minutes later, one blaring sounds broke the silent as our body bounce back few meters away instantly. Afterward the quite and chilly wind collide into loud screaming voice while human bloods spread in every corner of the street. Dust and darker cloud suddenly appear over Tentena’s market, more like when dusk falls earlier. And mommy who still holding my hand, runs as fast as she can avoiding the crowd get far away from the blast. But her step weakening as her body was full by icy running sweat fall over her face to toes. She barely catch her breath while holding my body still trembling which I have not felt ever before.
“It’s all right, we’re save now. Mommy will protect you from any kind of horrors created by human. Yes, human who already lost their humanity, eradicate love from their solemn heart, able to do this. My child…, when love is lost from our deepest heart, we’re never be human again. This blast, is an evidence that somehow human also able to let go of love from their heart. They’re not only try to eradicate love from their heart, but also trying to vanish love from our heart with hatred among our self. Therefore, no more condemn, no more revenge, no more hatred, we’re just victim and someday there’ll be another victims like us somewhere else, if we couldn’t maintain this love lays inside our heart. There’s no rational reason, for taking life of others. Differences in faith, race, or thought will never be strong enough to create this huge hatred inside human heart. It’s always the evil inside our heart who never stop trying obliterate love inside this precious heart,” That’s how my Mom calms me down.
Note:
My deepest condolence for the 21 victims died at the Tentena blast, May 27th 2005. They’re all one step ahead reaching stairs way of heaven.

Love, life and humanity

2005-05-25T21:05:00.000+07:00

The sounds of Gong (local instrument) broke the silent few moments before dawn at the Vihara Dhamma Sundara, one of this city buddhist temple in town. About 75 believers stared at full moon and wait until the Gong hit 8 times to celebrate Buddha’s birth, died, and his enlightenment. It’s not finish with the ceremony or ritual that started at 3.15 AM, but also ringing buddha’s wisdom to all his believers ears. This year theme, was to love life and expand humanity.
We do know that all religion, creed, or belief always teach us this three subject, love, life and humanity. Though the term to love life and humanity perhaps applied in various way, but there’s still lies a thin red line create common understanding that we’re never be alone. Term love, life and humanity at least describe that there’s no single living creature created alone. Perhaps love is like a memento from heaven to lies deep in our heart. And it will rise when our heart surrender by any reason. Like a mother’s heart surrender right after she gave birth to an adorable baby, there’s no other things more important than her baby. And how she taught the little baby not only how to live, but also how to love. She perfectly knows that her precious baby never be alone in this world, then she taught about humanity as well. Describe love of a mother to a child never drought our senses, that’s why this role always used in every chances.
Back on the Enlightenment Day of Buddha, there are few moral lessons to enrich our mind debate. This philosophy revealed by Sidharta Gautama centuries ago, and now reach almost 300 million believers worldwide. Sidharta who lives in fortune, and wealth would rather pick completely different way of living. He prefer stay away from hedonic life and stay in monastic or absolute laity. There are five moral principles which Sidharta taught, refrain from taking life, stealing, acting unchastely, speaking falsely, and drinking intoxicant. This is how Sidharta taught his believers how to love life and expand humanity. How to respects others life, belonging, and uphold their dignity by avoiding improper acts.
From the very beginning of this life, these wisdom already showered in to our mind through numerous messenger. How could possibly so hard for us to maintain this pure and fresh thoughts which might able to keep us close enough not only from sanity but also purity of soul as a human.
PS:
While opening the Enlightenment of Buddha at the Borobudur temple yesterday, President Yudhoyono claimed confuse on today’s phenomenon lies here in our dearest nation. How could such an religious nation like Indonesia be full of corruptors. :) It won’t happen if all religions believer perfectly walk upon the right path of their faith. See, the biggest enemy is within this heart and wicked mind :)

Outbreak

2005-05-12T17:42:00.000+07:00

This issues come up into our concern since few weeks ago, when all mothers suddenly frightened with the found of Polio Virus in Sukabumi, West Java, Indonesia. This virus have attacked our lovely children and take away their cheerful toddlerhood into dark and harder future, right after they got limp.
No one knows how this virus back into our days, since we already prepare vaccinations since babies entering 9 months old of age. But the outbreak already happened, millions of kids desperately in need to get new shot of vaccinations right away. This wild virus assumed spreading from Nigeria, since this case already found in that country last year. But this wild virus which unable to be tamed and need to be eradicated as soon as possible, already reach this neighborhood. More than 11 children have found positive carry this virus in their body, which unexpectedly turn their laughter into moaning. It already breaks all mothers heart whoever heard this crying child, watch their kids lies limp and suffering. And this helpless mothers only able to pray. And wait until government and all people who care for the next generations sake, to help them out.
Whether we like it or not, discrepancy indeed happen between big city and small village. In big city, vaccination activity reach the public nearly 95%, but in small and deep village this kind of activity perhaps only reach 50% of the target. Sad, but it’s true. Now, the government and the WHO begin to start their campaign against Polio, and start give an immunization more intensive to all regions both affected or not.
So many obstacles hit and roll us down again, but at least if we hold on together, and start to share anything useful we’ll able to solve any hard riddle in this life. If our system couldn’t work out well, coz it wasn’t start out properly, perhaps we can try to fix it from the smallest part and the tiniest effort we can do.

A New Beginning

2005-04-25T18:37:00.000+07:00

Shaking body, trembled fingers, and enormous chilled sweat more like an alarm for a fabulous moment about to happen. A new beginning of a life indeed still left a huge mystery deep inside our head, but those queries suddenly vanish from our wondering brain, as this little angel come up with his rocking voices to change anguish into wide open smile. A mother who just delivered this angel to a new world, forgot all the pains she felt before and can’t wait to hold this tiny creature which couldn’t left anything except tremendous feeling of peace and happiness. The joy this angel brings broke all worries, even concerning future. Make everyone whose heart filled with love, stand stronger than ever before, holding hands tighter than yesterday.
This cute smile belongs to the world, how to express purity and inspiring new hope within days. Strong voices while he cried out loud, show he’s coming to make a brand new day. No greater love shown, as big as a mother while staring at her baby. No greater joy as much as feeling warm in her arms, share ticking heart and soft whisper lullaby.
My deep bow to all mother in this world, who never feel exhausted to take a good care of her children, give them first priority in everything without no exception. Someone who has wide open ear to listen all complains both from husband or her little angels. With her kisses, she cure all wound we felt, with her soft words she mends all broken hearts. The only one we know how to comprehend the word “serve” perfectly.

Write on the sand...

2005-03-31T18:58:00.000+07:00

Just wanna share this positive thoughts which I received from a friend.
It’s about a story between best friends who got lost on desert. A huge fray came along as they walk upon the scorching sands, one of the man slapped the other right on his face. The one who got slapped, feel so anguish and hurt. Without saying a word, he inscribe something on the sand.
“Today, best friend of mine slapped my face,” that words written on the sand just to overcome his sorrow by the incident.
Then this two friends continue their journey, and found an oasis right in the middle of the desert. The man who got slapped previous eager to swim in the oasis to refresh his mind. Unfortunately, the pond is quite deep and he’s drowning into it, and his best friend work hard to rescue him. After he conscious and his fear disappear, he write again. But this time he carve the words on a stone.
“Today my best friend save my life,”
His friend so curious with this action and then he ask, “Why, after I hurt your heart you write on the sand, and this time you write something on a stone?,”
The other man smile in solemn, “When our friend hurt your heart, it is good to inscribe our feeling on the sand, so when the wind of forgiving come, it will swept away the pain we’ve wrote on that sand. But, when a friend do any single good deed to us, try to carve the on a stone. So we’ll always remember it in mind and nothing able to efface it away,”
Here in our daily life, argue, debate, dispute, are inevasible since human have their own point of view. Therefore, try to forgive and forget the past. Let’s learn to write on the sand when something awful happen to be in front of us.
I begin to remember memorable moments from our beloved prophet, he taught us well that love and compassion is part of faith. He never forget any good deed from a friend, and try to remember it and repay all decent deed as hard as he can.
As a human, something it is easier for our lips to say, “okay I forgive you,” but it’s kind a hard to admit that we really already forget any mistake that people did to us. I guess we have to learn purify our thoughts and heart from unworthy feelings, like hatred, envy, or any other heart disease.

Slice of Heaven

2005-03-03T17:26:00.000+07:00

Thanks for lending the slice of heaven upon my days on earth
Though it’s kind a hard when you asked back last year..
But wasn’t my call to delay returning everything that isn’t mine
Perhaps this hands not good enough taking care of this goodness who I claimed to be mine
One thing I believe, Your hands will always be better than mine to softly caress this remarkable lending who taught me well how to change my blind doubt into eye-opening faith.
In life, in love, and mostly in Thee.

Public Pool

2005-02-22T17:26:00.000+07:00

Lately, long journey or far away trip wasn’t become on my day-off list, things that used to love. Experience the outdoors, away from home and enjoying opportunity to break on routine, couldn’t easily to get these days. Works and school stuffs become better explanation for me to delay all plans related with fun. And here I am, right in front of this box reading wonderful journey from friends and try not show any envy in my eyes :)..just kidding. I still enjoy every single days which God grant me with happiness and health, like today, yesterday and I hope will last till next day. There is no reason for me to whine, while I have a job, opportunity to accomplish higher education than before, and all blessings from above. Perhaps it’s just a stage for me to give more attention on main things which is necessary to be done.
But, there’s still a way out from boredom which sometimes stroke in the middle of the day, it called swimming. Sport which I’d rather to neglect if begin compared with sightseeing, shopping or hang out with friends before. Though I really like water, but I prefer stay inside my rooms for hours than get wet into the cold water. But within these few weeks, swimming become my favorite sport.
At least twice a week, Public Pool become my favorite place to go early in the morning. Even the sun haven’t shines brightly or the mist still as thick as my blanket, I was the most passionate one to go there. This Public Pool almost 8 km away from home, and since it’s the only place in town which serve Ladies Day twice a week, then it become the best option for me.
As suited to its name, public pool provide service at the level of any public place. Don’t expect higher than you saw, but at least the pool is clean and the water is fresh. Not to mention the changing rooms, they were quite okay but little bit damp and narrow. They're only need to fix some substructure in that place, then it will become excellent. With its condition right now, that place still hard to fight with other gorgeous places which also provide the same service, like the 3-4 stars hotels, recreation center, which also offer low rate for swimming. Here in this public pool, with less than half a dollar you will get the fresh water, but at those hotels you have to pay three times of it. Actually, those hotels don’t ask too much from us, and they have a better place, better services but they don’t have Ladies Day ;).
And after few weeks hanging around with people who seek for freshness exactly the same as I do, I become aware that lots of insight that I could pick from people I’ve met. Just like when I saw Mak. She is 84 years old, but still have the passion to do this sport. She went to an accident years ago, which make her unable to move her legs, but when the therapy accomplish and she could walk again, she already 84. Before the accident, she really likes to swim and do mostly water sport. She got the accident in Bali, which happen right after she did a water sport. Passion upon her eyes, just like a flame which don’t get easily burn out. After longing for almost entire her life, she still believe that someday she will able to swim again. And there she is, swimming just like me fresh, happy, and wet. She reminds me of someone who used to say this: “It’s better to light a candle than curse upom the darkness”.
This public pool is like a center for us to gather, meet and greet with all people from different part of this town. I come from the other side of this town, Mak come from the China Town which we usually called Balong, and many others. That’s what I like about this city, there’s still a chance to assemble in harmony. While some people point their finger at this city as a nest of terrorism, riot-high risk, or other bad labels. But for me, sometimes I feel the clock stop ticking in here, while we enjoy the tranquility of this place. :)

Wide open smile……

2005-01-26T19:28:00.000+07:00

Perhaps it’s little bit late to share this story which I want to keep clearly into my mind forever. The moments which show me how to value every single substance which I have in hands. At first, Aidil Adha it’s just another holiday that we celebrate every years, with adequate amounts of meats and lambs. But it’s not that ordinary, since I begin to miss contented faces who passing by, enthusiastic moms who kindly cook for the entire country (…I suppose so) and joyful pretty little faces running here and there teasing all cattle before being slaughtered. Perhaps they want to cheer those cattle up, since they will finally enter to the heaven of cows, goats, sheep, or anything :) if they finally succeed making our stomach full with this God blessings.
I begin to enjoy Dads faces, with wide open smile walking from home to the nearest mosque, carrying scalpel, knifes, or similar, to do all the butcher’s work. Here in my place, all people still consider this activity as a part of joyous feast which we shouldn’t missed. There’s no constraint between, rich one or the less fortunate one, we just happy to be here in the same place and do the same activity. Maintain this cattle and spread meats to every edge of this town. I’m sure will miss this smile until next year, and I don’t know if other places will give me this same portrayed of smile like I got here or not.. I just never know.
Perhaps, this little feast it’s not really the essence of Aidil Adha, but the memories of people enjoying this feast really glued our heart to this place, this culture, and this way of living and remind us to stay humble. As days go by, perhaps people won’t bother gathering like that, and just send canned beef to further place and found out more sophisticated way to celebrate Aidil Adha.
But for me, I just want to keep each of this portrayed smile in my head, my mom’s smile, my dad’s, friend’s, neighbors, and everybody’s smile which I saw that day. While people arguing about how pathetic the people are who struggling to get meats at Aidil Adha…I’d rather to memorize these people smile. I still believe that..we will get what we deserved. There’s never be any miscalculated blessing from above..:). The more we plant good deeds, the more we will get the blessings…just as simple as that.

Stairs way to heaven…

2005-01-05T11:42:00.000+07:00

Some people say that catastrophic disasters which already ruin places, tear families apart, and broke our heart, is some kind of punishment that we have to face caused by our own mistakes, greed, and overwhelming insanity. Perhaps those thoughts are true, but to think from the other angle is not wrong either. Sometimes, thinking this disaster is a kind of stairs way to heaven would bring more refinement to our soul. Life’s which already taken, parents who lost their kids, families, friends, won’t go for nothing. They who left earlier, already one step ahead waiting for us entering heaven, while we who remain should pray for them and make sure we’ll catch them up later, walking the other ladder to heaven
We all understand that every tragedy, calamity, misery, happened for a cause, and thinking this awful tragedy would lead us to a better place and better person will always remind us that we’re just human. We don’t own any single soul, we’re just a creation who ask too much, and always keep our hands open up beg for mercy.
Losing families is the hardest part of this tragedy, not knowing their presence, condition, health, really tormenting this heart. Facing unsolved puzzle while this heart couldn’t bear to wait any longer. Sometimes we don’t really think how we love someone, until the day we couldn’t see them again, till it was too late.
Hard to admit that yesterday, we don’t really know how many relatives who stay in Aceh, but since we heard how huge the calamities, we really eager to get there soon. Finding and counting all relatives who survive, and till today good news and bad news still running into our ears. We just hope the good news flow more…………..
Do pray for us……wish for us to have a huge courage to face this tragedy in patient. Stay consistence to walk in the right path, able to construct this broken heart piece by piece and watch the sun shines brighter for tomorrow.

Fresh and juicy

2004-11-09T19:32:00.000+07:00

Last week, the International Tennis Federation (ITF) held a tournament for junior player under 18 years old in town. About 15 countries joining that competition and give their best struggle to collect poin which might rise them into better rank internationally. And here I am, watching those potential youth show their best endowment.
Before this, I never realize that Indonesian youth are having high competence in this sport. Stunning move on how the Indonesian beat its opponents, from 14 foreign countries, only one player from Thai who able to step ahead until semifinal. Sadly, at the semifinal he must accept losing the chance run to the final, after Indonesian player defeated him.
Watching this tournament, I got the vision of fresh and juicy youth which might able to fame Indonesia within the next years. There is no doubt, that maintaining this fresh and juicy youth might take more effort. Not only government should play their best role, but also us who live closer to them should give better support to raise their spirit and motivation greater. No bother to question how bad the government systems maintaining its own children, reality that those player grow on their own. And government will acclaimed them, after those fresh and juicy kids already create a remarkable achievement behalf of their country.
I saw growing hope upon these faces, Mia Sacca, Elbert Sie, Jonathan Amdanu, Chris Rungkat, Lavinia and Golda. They will be our next hope to uphold Indonesia’s honor in tennis. 

Greatest love of all

2004-10-31T20:39:00.000+07:00

One day a man came to Umar and ask : “My dear friend, I have try my best to serve my mom at her gloaming age till she passed away. Would my action able to consider equal to what my mom did to me when I was a baby?
Then Umar replied to this question firmly: “It is never the same, no matter how well you serve your mom at her last time. It is never the same compare to what she did to you when you’re still a baby. No matter how hard you carry your mom on your back, walk from medinna to mecca, what you have done will never worthy enough to be compare with your mother’s deed on you. When you’re a baby, this pray always flowering her lips. She pray and beg to God for you to be long live, fulfill your needs, and make sure you’ll get the best of all. But, while a child get the chance to serve his mother, how many time he sounds whining. Then it will never the same, since mother only offer many kinds of huge unconditional love to her children.
For how many times, we saw our mother stays awake at night just to make sure all her children safely sleeps on a warm cushion each night. She gently touch us from head to toes, just to make sure there’s no single wound upon our body after playing outside. And when she found a single wound on our body, no matter how small the scratch is, she couldn’t bear to avert from falling tears and will do anything to avoid us to sense the pain.
How brave she face any obstacles in life, which might jeopardize our safety? Her eyes turn out like an eagle, while guarding us outside, to scare anyone who might harm us. It’s not just her intuitive worries, but her huge love to us make her scare nothing, sacrifice everything and willing to do anything to her child.
God don’t give her a rough hands, but a soft one to rub our forehead gently. Warm lip to kiss our pain away, God grant her more tears to show the huge love she felt. And God give her more courage to deliver a baby, while other wouldn’t able to bear the pain.
Luv you mom……

visualizing objectives

2004-10-26T19:09:00.000+07:00

...
Last night, a friend of mine ask me about my “being different” concept. Asking more about wouldn’t it make me sick and tired pursuing my goals in life. And when I begin considering about people’s opinion about marital status?. These questions indeed not easy to answer, since for all these days I never consider about anything unnecessary except assemble my future. I do understand this questions, may come up caused by anxiety of being fall too deep into work routine and then might drive me into an old maid condition. At least, that’s the ultimate message she wants me to hear.
Last night, I still able argued that’s a premature worries upon me, and I shall not take this too personal. Since I’m still 25 and being an old maid at this age, is quite ridiculous thought and too premature. But it’s quite hard either to convince her, this way is perfectly safe for a woman by any chance. My “being different” concept is not too special actually, but it helps me a lot to assemble my potentials becoming a power to seize my objectives in life. Since right now competition is quite firm, we need to modify our potentials, behaviors, thoughts, and everything this world mostly need. There’s no doubt that diplomas are quite easy to get everywhere, so we have plenty of things to do. I think differentiate is one of the way out, but it took more effort to create. Something like starting with brief planning, certain objectives, and all resources we have to make us different from others, and then convince people why they should choose us not the other candidates. So far it’s work for me to gain any single step closer to my future intentions.
Visualize objectives is one of a step forward, on how we want to see our self for the next years, two years, 5, 10, 20, and so on. But I’d rather focus on the shortest term first, before going further. Thinking about what we would like to be on the next 20 years is more like a dream… I’d rather pour this dream into a shorter plan, this would make my way easier. But I don’t think anyone wants to hear my own personal plan, through my writings I just want to encourage people to dream, visualize their objectives in life, then start to make a plan.
And about personal matter, I believe that there’s no single woman really happy being alone. We can put this soulmate stuff as one our planning as well. In this case, pursuing our goals won’t jeopardize any of our social status either. Frequent worries about becoming career woman will sacrifice something we love, won’t happen if we put love and compassion beyond our stingy huge dreams. Keep those dreams down to earth by combining with that two magic words, and right now I want to share love and compassion to all people, and wait till the time My Lord send a kindhearted guardian angel.
Needless to say, I already visualize the kind of home that I want to live in, with what kind of people, and everything. This help me to create possibility thinking, and also make adaptations just in case it won’t work out perfectly the way I want it to be. But we will absolutely silly if dare to forget praying to God..we know God's plan is never worthless, so we only need to convince, why God should love us more..;)

note: to my friend, start small, achieve a little success, then spread out..:)

The Four Candles

2004-10-02T15:03:00.000+07:00

The Four Candles burn slowly, the ambiance was soft and you could even hear them talking.
The first one said:
“I’m peace, how ever no body can keep me lit. I believe I will go out,”
It’s flame rapidly diminishes and goes out completely.
The second one says:
“I’m faith. Most of all, I’m no longer indispensable, so it doesn’t make any sense that I stay lit any longer,”
When it finished talking, a breeze softly blew on it. Putting it out.
Sadly, The third one spoken in its turn;
“I am Love. I haven’t got the strength to stay lit. People put me aside and don’t understand my importance. THEY EVEN FORGET TO LOVE THOSE WHO ARE NEAREST TO THEM,”
And waiting no longer, it goes out.
Suddenly….
A child enters the room and sees the three candles not burning.
“Why are you not burning? you’re suppose to stay lit till the end,”
Saying this, the child begins to cry.
Then The fourth candle said:
“Don’t be afraid, while I am still burning we can re-light the other candles, I am Hope!,”
With shining eyes, the child took the candle of hope and lit the other candles.
The flame of hope should never go out from your life..and that each of us can maintain Hope, Faith, Peace, and Love…we’ll live to the fullest.
(received from a friend in the land of words)

This magic word again...

2004-09-25T10:29:00.000+07:00

L.o.v.e…people say it as a magic word, which able to change each figure being different. Villain into hero, looser into winner, introvert to extrovert, miserable into happiness, and so on. And the way people treat this magic word, works on different way..so is the result. The way people express that word, also done in various way. There’s no certain norms or ethics about this action, people tend to explore what they feel when the finally claimed to be in love. Since this word is really complicated and have mighty effect on human, Love also caused pain as well. Still related with its mighty power, apparently Love able to ruin heart and damage human feeling as well. Today, I saw a huge regret and upcoming tears which hanging in the eyes of a girl. That cute face perhaps, able to conceal pain deep inside, but her eyes show the opposite. Though the tears isn’t clearly drop, but everyone who see her easily got the image she really insist to hide the tears away. The girl who I’ve known as a cheerful and enthusiastic person, suddenly fall into silence. Then I found out this weird action also caused by love, and sadly it tend turn into a heart broken.
I still remember how eager she wants to tell me about her feeling on someone that I know. There’s nothing that I can do except supporting her to express how she feels on that guy. But today, I found out that the result hasn’t gone exactly as we’re all expected. She fell into heartbroken and said it was like being cut with an invisible knife. I thought that phrase little bit overwhelming, but her face already convince me.
And it’s kind a first experience for me, dealing with heartbroken girl. She seeks for an advice and wisdom, which might able to tear her away from growing anxiety. I couldn’t offer her too many advice, since I have none of knowledge about this. I only able to describe love from the sweet side, and obliviously I tend use calculation in most of this matter. Applied Newton’s third law in also in human relationship, it’s all about action and reaction which needed to be calculate effectively. So, I can found out the result before it’s gone further. Perhaps it is hilarious idea, but sometime being a woman indeed complicated. There’s no doubt that most topic which women would do within discussion is about men, and that’s ok. I’d rather use certain parameter to measure where am I in front of a man, which I can read from his reaction upon my action. World do live in balance, so why we couldn’t convince our heart about this. But, the fact that love also has the huge power which able to diminish conscience and everything. That’s why I couldn’t offer much advice to her. My idea only easily applied on inclusive human relationship not the exclusive one or even further. And about healing broken heart, that wasn’t my call too. Since the fact that people always get what the deserve to get, always started within our self. I mean, if I want someone who honestly able to maintain behavior, do all good deed, and decent person, then I have to reflect on myself first. Do I honestly able to maintain behavior, do all good deed, and also a decent person???. If yes, we’re all can be optimistic to have that person as our future companion. I do understand that i'm a bad love conselor, sad thing is in my office people know me as a motivator. But i looked really messy in this case...:)

The fur ball socks is missing…..

2004-09-22T13:25:00.000+07:00

Fur ball...that’s how I called my fat kitty, a male cat which I took part when the mother delivered three cute kittens. I still remember, how Fur ball mom’s tormented with pain before the three cubs about to pop up. She doesn’t mind when I hold her legs and gave a smooth touch upon her face, then the three beautiful kittens safely show up. I watch them grow and raise them in love and tender, just like part of family. But while they about to grow up, Fur ball’s brother adopted by relatives of mine who also a cat admirer. And I stay with Fur ball, which grow bigger and more fluffy.
Fur ball stay with me at night, and always sleep around my toes, just like a fluffy socks on each night. Warm sense which I recall from his fur, always cause a homesick for me. But since few days ago, I won’t sense that warm socks again. Fur ball is missing for couple of days, and sadly I finally found out that my Fur ball is shot to dead by my own neighbor. G… in our civilized society, I still found this barbaric action. I just couldn’t understand, how this kind of sadistic act possibly happen around my neighborhood. The sad reality is that the murderer (the best term for him) already has the license to use shooting guns, since he was retired from the army. And here I am, about to deal with a post power syndrome person. I’m ready to deliver longest speech which he ever heard, about this barbaric action, but my dad hold me from doing that. He said quite long words about maintaining neighborhood relationship, and never jeopardize this chain. I do understand that neighbor also our closest relatives, but still couldn’t figure out that maintaining this kind of relationship also able to cause hurt in my heart. And the final advice from my dad was, let Fur Ball go, and always looked at the bright side on everything. But there’s something inside my heart couldn’t accept that fairly. I mean why should we forget on someone’s sadistic behavior just to maintain warm relationship within society. G…what kind of relationship might build by none of respect for others belonging, even it’s a cat. The more I protest on this case, the more my dad give an advice. Till today I haven’t said a word to that person, because I’m also maintaining my anger from becoming explode.
Actually this post more sounds like whining…since I don’t even have the right to be anguish on matter which really make me mad. Only memories of Fur Ball stay to cheer me up….

Up…and stumble

2004-09-11T13:36:00.000+07:00

At least that what I had in mind about this country. Each tragedy which stroke this country always affirmed as a trial. And the indonesian always able to maintain this trial firmly, compose the ruin piece by piece to get up again. There’s no doubt that the people accomplished well on this effort, but when we about to get up..don’t bother get satisfied first, cause we’ll get another trial and be ready to stumble down again.
Sadly, we already face this kind of problem not just once, but sometime we try hard to deny the reality of this invisible pattern.
Could it be caused also by hatred? Or there is more huge reason beyond that, scary thought is…if it’s caused by certain people interest. Not caused by hatred but created by a human who only thought about gaining objectives.
Actually it feels funny how this country healing themselves from injury. I saw garland of flowers send by the people from entire land to show condolence upon the bombing victims. Big letters from the sender, and when I saw the police try to put them together, I begin to think It’s not more than such a waste, I couldn’t find the essence of this motion would bring more refinement upon families who already lost their children.
I try to be more honest on both side, and took this action truly from the bottom of their hard. But sometimes I just don’t understand, while in one side I can easily find people who able to throw more than hundred US dollar for a bunch of flowers in second, but at the other side I still heard whispering sound of a person who still worried if they still have to pay for a stitch at the hospital. I do feel sad, but there’s nothing that I can do except pray for them all. I’m not one of them, not on the unfortunate side or the fortunate ones in this case. I’m just a bystander, who will smile when people feels happy and will shed a tears when sad times come.

Ruined again...........

2004-09-10T13:05:00.000+07:00

Bombing Indonesia…? Ehmm ..piece of cake
Here we go again, talking the same topic that all people hate, terrorism. At least that’s the best scapegoat of every unfortunate accident which cause destruction in Indonesia. Let say, Bali Bombing, JW Marriot, or even the separatist GAM, out police department would rather prefer pointing their finger at Terrorism. Sometimes, we’re the people who just watching those great men say uncomprehendable words on television only able to nodded deep at what they said. But as deep as we nod, more suspicion appear on their eerie words. The more we listen to them, the more we will be frightened. Not only because of the threat which might happen on us, but also the finding of reality which show that none of this safety guard in this country able to prevent any of this uncertainty.
And yesterday, this feeling of insecure appear again. Bombing this country perhaps just a piece of cake, or at least that’s what cross on my mind when I heard the Kuningan Bombing yesterday. Why? There’s no secret that we do have security problem, it’s kind a hard for me to believe upon noble institution like the army or police departement. This fragile institution get easily slipped, and we’ve known about this for so long. Just don’t deny it’s too easy for us buy an amo on the street or even explosives. And the best entrance to this stuff is unquestionably..would be from …..These what I see on the internal side, and watching from the external side would bring greater suspicion. Since it is easy to make this country stumble more, just hit the economic and its security..then bang…we’d be suffering. But, one good credit about the people of this nation is, that we’re all so pliable. No matter how huge the strike is, they still able to survive. No wonder the dutch government feel so homey oppressing inlander..
In spite of growing our disappointment, let’s make a full pray for those who became the innocent victim. Or we may call them a collateral damage, of our own avarice or overwhelm unconsciousness about our own environment.

Tears of the world….

2004-09-06T13:54:00.000+07:00

Reading today’s daily, reporting about 322 children died in the hands of terrorism or we can call it brutality of human ever lived on this earth, truly make us incensed. All tears shed today, isn’t worth enough to cure the deep pain from the family who lost their children. I’m too curious to find out, what might be the best reason to think (just think…) this way would bring benefit to any side?. Perhaps, I’m too weak to become a terrorist.. but this question keep on buzzing inside my head..Why….???. What kind of interest which allow this intolerable cruelty should be done by any union ever exist? Perhaps my knowledge about politics never sufficient to reveal this question.
One thing for sure is, we’re all feel enraged and anguished with this tragedy, and there’s nothing left inside our brain except condemned this nonsensical action. Those cheerful faces from those kids who left home that morning, suddenly changed into blurt out sorrow that day. May God have mercy on their soul and place them in more beautiful place than this world could offer.
God never make wrong decision...well yes.., but there’s no doubt that sometimes each decision could bring various impact on our soul. And we never know how strong our soul would be when tremendous pain should left inside our heart. Sometimes, our conscious sense drive our brain into the right path without letting us fall into deep pit of blaming ourself, others, or even God. But sometimes it works on the opposite way, we do grief a lot and think why this world so unfair.
Our heart needs to be kept, our soul needs to be maintain to become truly human. We can easily condemned those terrorist for their action, but sometime we just never realize how we could easily slipped creating hatred within our society. Our negative thinking on others, already create a thick shield upon our heart, so we couldn’t easily get touched on clear phenomenon which our sight able to catch around us.
Just like Aa Gym always said, try to start a good deed from ourself, from small ones, and from now on....

Love letter from God

2004-08-30T19:53:00.000+07:00

.......
When you wake up in the morning, I looked at you and hope you will talk to Me for a minute. Though a simple word beg for My opinion or grateful for My mercy for each happiness you felt in life today or yesterday…But I found you too busy starting the whole day for work. I just wait for you in silent, I know there’s a little time for you to stop a while and greet Me, but you seem too busy…
In a place, I saw you sitting on a chair for 15 minutes doing nothing. Then I saw you move your legs, I thought you’re about to see Me and talk to Me, but you run to the telephone and called a friend to find out the latest news.
I watch when you’re working and I wait patiently for the entire day. With all your activities, I thought you’ve been too busy saying for just a word to Me.
Before lunch I saw you looked around, perhaps you’re just too ashamed talking to me, that is why you didn’t bow your head down. You saw three or four table around you, and watch some of your friends spell My name softly before use up the bless which I gave them, but you didn’t do that……there’s a time left and I hope you will talk to Me, albeit when you’re about going home, looked like there’s still plenty works to do.
After you finished your work, you turn on TV, and spend more time within a day in front of it, without thinking anything and just enjoy the show. Back here, I wait patiently while you watch that television and enjoying your feast, but you’re still don’t say a word to Me.
While you were sleeping, I thought you’re just too exhausted. After saying good night to your family, you jumped up to bed and fell asleep without a single word to express I was on your mind.
You realize that I always there for you. I have been so patient longer than you ever noticed. I want to teach you how to be patience on others. I really love you, everyday I just wait for words, prayer, thoughts or grateful in your heart….
And the next day, you wake up again and I wait again with love and hope that today you will spend a little time for Me, but what I have expected never show up. You never say a word to Me, not in the morning prayer, afternoon, before dusk, when the twilight comes, in the night, and even when it’s back to morning.
You still ignore Me, not a single word, not a sole prayer, and not one feeling or hope, wish, or intention to bend your knees, bow your head for Me….
What have I done to you, My blessing, mercy, which I showered you with, health, fortune, children, which I gave you, couldn’t make you recall My name or My existance.
I always love you, and still hope that someday you will greet Me, beg for My haven, turn your face again at Me, who always with you every step of the way.
God who always love

Note: Thanks to Irfan, who never allow me fall into worthless life :)

Me and beggar

2004-08-29T14:33:00.000+07:00

Me and beggar
I used to be dine out sometimes with friends at work, and one night we decided to have dinner at a place nearby one of train station in town. Sounds of train passing by that place sometimes swallowed our laughter and voices. We have a good time that time, so we didn’t quite notice the presence of a young man who stood right in front of out table. That man carried a box noted “charity for the orphanage”, and he said some word which I conclude as a begging. I grabbed my purse and pulled out sum of money to him, then that young man leave the place. Right after he left, a friend of mine give a different vision about this matter and then we jump up into quite long discussion about this.
My friend said, he couldn’t approve what I have done to that beggar. He said, I will make them more satisfied with their current activity, and the money which I gave to the beggar won’t lead him no where but stucked in the same place, because he still found opportunity to earn money with this activity.
Actually, I never thought that far. I only see that he needs money and I have some to share. And there’s no feeling in my heart that make me comfortable with the action I’ve done, caused by grateful of being better than that man. I know it’s just simple answer, and I couldn’t satisfy my friends inquiry about the evince from my action.
I can deny that sometimes we just couldn’t easily rid off our sympathy while we saw a beggar. I understand why my friend would prefer educate those people that begging isn’t really our destiny. People do have choices to play their best role in life instead of become a beggar. I know this well, but sometime when we looked arround, we don’t really have neat medium to share our fortune to others who need them. There’s no institutions or regulation which can lead us to better order of sharing some of our possession. This problem is common in the entire world, and people out there also facing the same problem as we do.
But sometimes we just can’t confidence with the policy of our government who already took taxes from us to reduce the number of poverty. Though taxes still the major income for the government, but we have to admit that they don’t spend them as we expected. And then how about the zakat? (which should be a medium for muslims to spend their 2,5% of their fortune for the needy. There’s no particular medium to collect and share them which touch entire elements of muslims in this country. So, the are plenty of sporadic institution which collect and spend zakat in this country. Which they aren’t centralized, plenty of discrepancy in distribution might occur.
With this phenomenon, who won’t react as I do when the meet beggar on the street. There is no doubt that we really need order to make the entire country as a safe place and prosper one for its people. While there is no sufficient medium to collect and share some of people fortune and distribute them well for the needy, beggar will still appear. And people who couldn’t do anything to change people’s thought will only get carried away with perhaps wrong expression of sympathy.
In life, we’re all beggar cause we don’t exactly have anything to claim as our own possessions. Everything belong to God, and God sometimes took but sometime grant us with fortune. Facing this, we only beg for God mercy, to give us the best. So, we’re all beggar in front of God, but in life we still got plenty of chances to stand up on our own feet and try not to trouble others for our existence in life

Fried shrimp and chili

2004-08-26T13:07:00.000+07:00

Fried shrimp and chili
This post especially dedicated to Roweina who seems to be really enjoy cooking many kind of terrific cuisine. Fair la cuisine avec moi pour audjourdhui ok..
In Indonesia we called this meal as Udang Tumis Cabai
All you need to cook this plat du jour are these ingridients:
- 6 spoon of cooking oil or olive oil
- 4 smashed garlic
- 1 big fresh red chili
- 1 pound of fresh shrimps
- 1 teaspoon of salt
- 1 teaspoon of blackpepper
All you have to do with these ingredients
- fry the smashed garlic within warm oil, wait until the aroma is on the air, and the color change little bit yellow
- Add the chili in that wok
- Add the shrimps and stir them well
- Add some salt and the blackpepper
- Wait until all ingredient fully cooked and change in color
- Better serve them while still warm..
This meal is become my favorite, though shrimp with mayonaise also yummi too..:P

Love Indonesia... (17an edition...)

2004-08-14T11:33:00.000+07:00

Month of August, should be have special meaning to our people. Though the respons isn’t quite the same like the celebration fourth of July. But I always notice something special about this month, yeaa make my love upon this nation grow even bigger. Albeit many people mocking or insulting this country failure holding up their image, in front of its own people. Either when all nations questioning our ability to recover, my love to this nation is raise greater.
Don’t bother to deny that this country indeed have major problems in all cases. Merely when we found the spirit of it’s people struggle for better life, my love heave up to the higher level. One thing for sure that make me love this country is the people I’ve seen and lived with.
I was amazed and still, every time I saw Mrs Karta her husband and their only grandchild carry more than 50 kg bananas and cassava on their each back, few hours before dawn to the traditional market which only 8 km away from their home. The fall of wet dew and soft cold breeze become their closest friend, to begin their day. I know this family better, cause sometimes Mr Karta give a big help at my place dealing with all unwanted grass at the yard. In his nearly 80s, work isn’t a burden. In fact, he thought his muscle will start aching if he stays at home n doing nothing. Same quote I found from mrs Karta’s too.
Though I believe their income from selling bananas and cassava ain’t enough to provide good meal for the entire family. But I hardly found them grumbling about this condition, in fact they always remind me about being “nrima ing pandum”. Which means accept each role that God given to them without complaining. They believe that God already create a big plan in their life, so they just fit in with it and do the best to adjust with it. Adjust means, stay humble and do better their role in this life .
This two old couple give me a clear vision, that our people ain’t lazy or obstinate as others said. Sadly, sometimes our own people concur with this hilarious idea, and also pointing their finger at their own brothers. Sounds pathetic but it happen, while I’d rather see everything that happen on this country in a clear and bright spectacle. To watch single tiny effort from everybody around me try to fit in their role in life, indeed make me more in love with this people.
I hardly found any despair in their eyes, I only found stream of wet sweat falling from their forehead and their hands. They only offer something positive, hope that they’re doing the best that they could. How can I not be fall in love to this people? I would become a foolish if I dare to underestimate my own people who encourage me everyday to play to best role in life.
In this August, I try to remind you, that we’ll never able to manipulate our identity as a mighty and sedulous Indonesian. I proudly said, that I’m 100% indonesian, 25% javanesse, 25% aceh+malay, 25% borneo’s dayak, 25% non-native immigrant from arab. That will be a great reason why i couldn't get easily drawn into ethnocentrism. And my biggest intention is to meet each of my brother out there, to show how proud and lucky I am to have their blood in me. As well as I will try the best to make them proud for sharing their blood in me 

scent of jasmine

2004-08-10T18:05:00.000+07:00

This afternoon a friend of mine remind me again about the different between rose and jasmine. She told me, rose performance always stunning, every single eyes ardent to touch when they start blooming. That’s common, since their color is really gorgeous and sweet. But one thing, which sometime we got easily slipped while looking their exquisite color, right after we take a good look at them and sense them within the breeze. Scent of rose doesn’t spread as vast as the scent of jasmine, though we find one tiny jasmine about to bloom, we easily sense the scent of it. One tiny jasmine could make roomy space specific fragrance which we could easily notice.
Sometime I thought, how we could be like jasmine, flourished entire space only with our tiny appearance. Sounds nice if we could give a meaning to any environment with a delightful fragrance, and they don’t have to touch us or stunned with our outside appearance. They just know our presence but don’t have to say something good about anything that we’ve done. See, doing something good but never care about compliments or any flattering statements from other.
Sometimes, compliments only weakening and bring us nowhere than keep satisfied about what we have done. It’s hard to stood back when we’re still floating on the air and feel contented with it, joyous a lot with good stuff we’ve done and forget that every achievement means a challenge to double it twice, three times or more.

Brown and dither

2004-08-09T18:37:00.000+07:00

I remember what James Gwee said about few characteristic of a ditherer, and I couldn’t deny that some of those could easily found in me. Worries a lot, unsure and afraid in all circumstances, always imagine the worst and trying the best that I could to avoid failure. Always thought that life is all about reducing uncertainty as much as I could. Hence, with this characteristic he put me on a ditherer side.
But some of his words is not quite fit in me, something like thoughts that never satisfied, seldom happy and always complaining. Those later characteristic rather hard to find in me, since I’m kind an easy going person, always put smile on my face, and hide all problems deep inside so no one can sense it. So, what am I know? Still a ditherer, or what?..actually I don’t care too much about this, but there is one of his note that make me curious, he said ditherer always see the ground as the safest place..and ditherer favorite color is brown. It lil bit shocked me up, since I do think that way. I thought the ground is the safest place but I don’t scare of heights either. And one thing for sure is, I really like brown color in all cases. My outfit mostly in brown, stationary, fancy stuffs, everything dominated with brown. But did the color really imply who we really are?
I never expect to be a ditherer, I’d rather become someone who has positive thinkin on everything like Pygmalion. Left the words “what if…” behind and drop all worries away. Would it be a mistake if we try to seek more security? I mean, that will be great if our plans work out well and get the best achievement by reducing any tiny obstacle that might occur in our way. It’s just my thought, or perhaps I’m really a ditherer inside and outside so it flows all over my blood…:)

Fortune, Success & Compassion

2004-08-08T12:08:00.000+07:00

One day, this woman come home from her work and saw three old men with long beard were sitting in front of her nice and cozy yard. She doesn’t know who they are, and asking “I don’t know any one of you, but I’m certain that you might be sturfing right now. So, lets go inside I’ll cook something for you,”.
But one of the old men ask back,” is your husband at home ?”. She replies ,”No, not yet, he still out for work,”.
The three old men said again,” Then we’ll wait until you husband gets home,” they said that in peaceful smile.
In the evening, the whole family gathering again in that house, and the lady told her husband about the three wise old men outside their yard. For a moment, the husband little bit confuse about the story, and then told his wife to call the three old men outside, to come in.
Hence, the lady go ask the three old men to come in, but instantly they reply,” we can’t go inside together, you have to choose one of us, one by one to invite us in,”. The lady look with astonishment, then ask,”Why..?,”
One of three old men explain to her,” His name is fortune, and the man who sits beside him is success, and my name is compassion. That’s why you should choose which one of us, who should enter you house first. Go ask your husband, who he need to invite from us most,”.
The lady leave again to tell her husband about this uncommon circumstances, and again the husband feel amaze.”Wow, this is unbelievable, I’d rather invite fortune, so he can fill this house full of fortune my dear..,” the husband said. But his wife refuse this idea, and told him that she’d rather invite Mr, Success to come in first,”We need success in our farm harvest, why don’t we invite Mr Success first?,”.
But in coincident, their dearest children heard about this argument and said,”That will be great if we invite Mr Compassion to come inside. Our house will feel more cozy and warm with compassion,”. Then the parents agreed with their beloved children’s idea, and decide to invite Mr Compassion in.
The lady go outside again to ask a men named compassion to come in, then Mr Compassion stood up, walk to the house. Suddenly, the two other men, also rise up and walk along behind Mr Compassion. Feel curios about this action, the lady ask again,”I only invite compassion, but why fortune and success also come along?,”.
Those two men answering in the same time,” If you just invite fortune or success to go inside, you will only have one of them, and the rest of us will stay outside. But, since you invite compassion, in whatever place he goes, we will walk behind him. You should know, that both of fortune and success were blind, only compassion who can see. Only compassion who can lead us to, the right path of life, and good deeds. Therefore, we need his guidance when we walk and running this life,”. Said Fortune and Success in the same voice.
No matter how huge our intention is, but never leave the essence of our life, compassion, love, and care for other

L'amore est papillon

2004-08-02T12:02:00.000+07:00

Love is like butterfly..the more you chase it..the more it will elude you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Nice quote right....??
I guess so, but sometimes really confusing when we accidently feel certain chemistry reaction on someone..but the other person we least expect make an approach. That's different circumstances, but lil bit related too..
See..everything don't exactly go the way we wished to be. Perhaps, letting it fly would be better. So i can lose it forever or it will come to me when i least expect it..sounds pathetic :(

I can do it....!!!

2004-07-31T13:53:00.000+07:00

I start saying this words two days ago..when my day begin lil bit overload. And those words really made my day, increasing my motivation facing more brighter day.
As usual, works for me means doing routine but still with high volatility..(confuse?..routine means doing the same work everyday. For me it means, reporting almost the same business news in town. Volatile for me means, find more tidal circumstances in town..sometimes go slow..but sometimes go fast).
Routine always boring and volatile sounds challenging..i'd rather face the second one actually, but i have to admitt that sometimes i do grumbling about this condition to my friends..
But two days ago, my brain recall this words from my memories..and allow me to think about this word again. I can do It ..i exclaimed it to myself..
"just take it easy, do everything one step at the time and allow yourself become a problem solver. If everyone around u able to finish each problem well, then u can do better than them"
And now, nothing seems impossible for me..no matter how huge my problem is, i convince myself that i'm able to solve it..and today will be brighter than yesterday, tommorow will be brighter than today :)

Pygmalion

2004-07-30T09:48:00.000+07:00

I feel very lucky to have lots of friends who always wake me up, when I’m about to give up..Thanks to Irfan with this story.
Pygmalion
Pygmalion is a youngman who talented in art sculpture.
He’s really proficient in carving sculpture
He’s handcarving is really remarkable.
But not by his talent, he conceded and loved by friends and neighbors.
Pygmalion known as a positive thinker.
He always consider everything in positive angle.
When the city square become wet and muddy, and all people grumbling.
Pygmalion said, “Thank God the other field is not as wet as this field”
When a sculpter buyer looked persistent in bargaining price, and Pygmalion friends whispering,” how stingy that person is,”
Pygmalion said,”Perhaps that person still need to spend the money on something more important,”
When kids stole apples at his yards, Pygmalion never complaining. He feel sorry to see those kids and said,”Poor children, they don’t get proper education and food at home,”
That’s Pygmalion sight. He never see any circumstances in bad side, but on the good side. He never think bad about others;in the contrary, he try to imagine some good side from people's bad manners.
One day, Pygmalion carve a women sculpture from wood. His hand carving is really smooth and soft. That sculpture size is equal to the human size. The face of the sculpture is really charming and has a magnificent smile. The sculpture body looked very impressive.
Pygmalion friends said, “It’s just a sculpture, no matter how wonderful that thing is, it’s never be your wife,”
Many times Pygmalion looked deep at the statue, and rub its surface, treat it like a real lady.
God and Goddess of the Olympus watch him, and really appreciate what Pygmalion done for the statue, and they decided to grant him remarkable gift. They transform the statue into a real lady..that’s the end of the story..Pygmalion live happily ever after with the most lovely women in the whole land.
Now, Pygmalion remembered to describe the effect of positive thinking pattern. Whe we think positively about one circumstances or someone, the result really positive.
For instance,
When we try to be friendly to someone, then that person will be friendly too.
When we treat our children as smart kids, they will become smart kids at the end.
If we believe we’ll be succeed, bigger possibility that the effort is half way of success
The effect of this positive thinking, called Pygmalion effect.
Our mind sometimes have fulfilling prophecy effects, both positive or negative.
If we want to consider our neighbor as shabby person, so we never want to socialize with him/her, so at the end..they will become a shabby person to you.
If we suspicious to our children, at the end they will really dishonest to us.
If we gave up on something and think that we never able start an effort, bigger chance for us to face real failure.
Pygmalion thinking pattern, is to think, expect and hope only good things about conditions or people. Imagine how big the effect is, if we thought in positive way like that. We’ve never come into prejudice on others.
We’ll never gossiping bad stories of others..and we never expect anything bad about others. If have bad thinking on others, we always find a reason to guess something bad about them.
If someone give us a present, obviously it’s a good deed. Bad if we think in bad way, we’ll become suspicious.”Perhaps he/she try to bribe” or may be we come to grumbling side “aahhh cheap ones…”
Who get the disadvantage of this negative thoughts is ourself. We come easily suspicious, and can’t be happy
In the contrary, if think in positive ways, we get easily enjoy the present and joyful with the gift, “ohh our neighbor is a generous person, though busy as a bee, still remember giving such nice present to us,”..
The color of life, perhaps depend on the spectacle we wear. If we wear some grey one, everything will looked grey. Life will be grey and blurred.
But if we wear the bright one, everything will looked clear.
Spectacle which full of prejudice or hate, will only lead is to suspicious, envy, hatred life. But the peace one, make our life bright and comfy.
Life will be perfect if we see it in a good side.
Think positive about ourself
Think positive about others
Think positive in any circumstances
Think positive of God (God will grant us everything as you expect from him)
The effect of positive thinkin we’ll realized soon.
Warm family
Trusted friends
Friendly Neighbor
Works seems fun
World seems friendly
Life seems lovely
Just like Pygmalion…that’s it
Have a great life, everyone :)
Gee...my english still bad...need lots of help

good advice from agung wijanarko

2004-07-28T16:20:00.000+07:00

These are good advice from a friend, i like each word he expressed..Perhaps..my writing isn't perfect but his words are
1.To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE Love is like a butterfly . The more you chase it , the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts , but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.
2.To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. 3.To My Friends Who Are.............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE Never say "I love you" if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart . Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
4.To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry." Not "where are you", but "I'm right here." Not "how could you", but "I understand." Not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."
5.To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
6.To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them .
7.To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.
8.To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
9.To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.
10.To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....
11.TO ALL MY FRIENDS....... My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature , never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish

Wingit lift..???

2004-07-27T11:12:00.000+07:00

I wanna share a story about elevator in my office. since it's not a big office, so there's only one lift here. But, this lift already took lots of victim who get trapped in that lift..from common employee, office CEO, stakeholder, former Indonesia president Gus Dur, and last night Krisdayanti....
We call that lift as a wingit lift..wingit means lil bit spooky. The funny thing is, most employee never want to use that lift, we prefer use stairs, so the exclusivism of that lift begin more and more obviuos. Only special guests use it...and more special the guest is..the lift more eager to trap those people in... :))
Perhaps, it's the way wingit lift want to demonstrate its loneliness..never being used properly and daily by all people..and perhaps, it gets bored to serve those special guests..:p so Wingit lift wants to scare them :D hahhahahah
that's my story about this wingit lift...and...i never use that lift since i work here.

ind

miss u again mom...

2004-07-26T11:28:00.000+07:00

I know, i should not get carried away again. 'coz it's only crippling me .. weakening and think something fool again. But i do miss u, perhaps God won't mind if i send this ...perhaps it will help friend who miss their mom too...(just a hope)
D U Knw Y Mom Always Smile.....
'Coz she wants us to face brighter day
D U Knw Y Mom Always Weep.....
'Coz she try to convince God..we deserve the best
D U Knw Y Mom Always Laugh.....
'Coz she wants us to taste a piece of heaven with her
D U Knw Y Mom Always Cry.....
Those are tears of happines when she walked us through the door of success
...
Taught us well about love
Taught us well how to fight too..
Yeaa..Fight and conquer this world with this two hands
Convincing we could grab those stars..with this two small hands
Build our hope to c as many different skies as possible
Bring those blue sky to keep within...
...
Need more than pen to write
Need more than tears to express
Need more than strength to build
all she's done...
...
Light up again when everything goes dark
Brace again when i'm about to loose
Refresh when get too exhausted
Bring Fresair to heal all wounds

Why fresair..???

2004-07-25T14:49:00.000+07:00

Why fresair, it's just perfectly all people need..and what i need to change something inside my head :)
Freshair to breathe….to fill this brain again with pure oxygen and make it work properly
A friend of mine, told me why u don’t try to write diary or something similar with it..but I always say, I never try to share my feelings to others, if they see me smile then it means I’m happy but when I begin more quite it means, I don’t wanna talk about it. And it seems to be enough for me..for all this years.
But after I read her posting today, I begin to think..perhaps there’s something wrong inside of me that I should change, now here I am writing something. Pak-I, thanks for introducing me to this blogger..